Weary

I've grown tired of writing this blog.

We're in Hawaii. We hike, play tennis, snorkel and eat.

I'll still be taking pictures and updating them here:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/rrphoto

I'll also be updating facebook photos.

Anything else I write from now on will probably be at
http://www.ranceinthepants.com

BYE-YI!

Caught! Brown Handed!

Folks, if you want to be able to serve yourself in the buffet all you have to do listen to the captain's announcement on day one about washing your hands and using the hand sanitizer provided alllllllll over the place on board.

But, a majority have chosen the "He was talking about everyone else and not me." route. I'd venture to guess some of these people are "I don't have to wash my hands if I'm only going pee." folks. Now you're the "Gee, I don't like this" folks and we can't serve ourselves food.

We still haven't seen much of the big waves that have been happening. Day after tomorrow we'll get to see first hand if there is any strength left in the storm.

Good. Thought So.

So, like I thought, the storm didn't really effect us...as far as being at sea with huge waves. Why? because we dodged it. All of the rough stuff was happening on the north side of the islands. 60 foot waves. Some sources said the worst since '84, some since '69.

What this DID mean is that we did some shuffling around. We did an overnight in Honolulu which gave us the opportunity to go do a show at Laughtrack Theater. Fun time there.

Our normal first port that we visit is Kahului in Maui. This is on the northside of the island so we have been working around it. Currently we're doing all of our ports in reverse and will be in them all for the exact amount of time we normally would (except for Kahului, which will be one day).

So, we're not sailing through the perfect storm, we're avoiding it.

Just In Case

So we're coming on the end of our first "normal" week. No rehearsing all week long, no tests. Why "Just In Case"? Because we are heading into rocky waters with a near guarantee of "worse." Knowing how ship gossip flies around I'm guessing our waves will get up to 20 feet high tonight. Double that number and you have the latest gossip.


It is 5:00pm as I write this and we have a show at 10:15, so THAT could be interesting.


Earlier this week Deanna and I went to Sport Mart in Kona and bought tennis racquets. The previous cast was really into tennis so we figured we'd give it a try. Mike, Deanna, and I headed up to the courts of the Ritz hotel in Kauai and paid $10 to use one of their courts. We're all at a very beginner stage so getting the ball back and forth was the only accomplishment we were shooting for.


As far as buying the racquets I feel like I was at a major advantage. Each racquet was boasting to be lighter than others. When I was growing up tennis was a quick stint in the standard Jr. High PE class. If we had a racquet we were supposed to bring it in. Luckily my mom played tennis at some point in her life or my parents took up tennis. Whatever the case, I was honored by the selection of my choice between two heavy wooden racquets. That is all I've ever known. So, based on my muscle memory, every racquet in that store was far lighter than anything I was used to.


We hear it is getting cold in the other states. Chicago had snow, Portland dipping down into the 20s. The inner-ship AC is trying to rival that so I'm usually in jeans and a hoody when we're indoors.

Dear America, You've Been Brainwashed

--Edit
After coming up with that title I forgot to write about the story that inspired it.

In most of the ports there are free shuttles that take you to various shopping locations. In Hilo Deanna, Mike and I took the shuttle to a place called Hilo Hattie's (Haddie's?)...a common store in Hawaii. Where ever your shuttle goes the driver is usually required to mention a little something about specials in the store and they also will talk about other areas on the island. Well, as we took a turn and neared the mall that Hilo Hattie's was in at least four people in the shuttle all said loudly and with glee "WAL-MART!" You're on vacation. Even if you weren't, no one should be that excited about Wal-mart. And to that I say "Dear America, You've Been Brainwashed."

Also, check out the comments to this post!
--end edit

What has happened...I've uploaded photos to facebook. So, check there for the latest photos. I'll get them on flickr soon.

We're finally settling into normalcy as we no longer have pesky training or rehearsals to worry about. On Honolulu Day (days of the week are arbitrary to me now) we walked to the Ala Moala Mall (? that is how I remember the name. Whatever the big ass mall in Honolulu is called). I bought a couple of show shirts, one of which suffered the Wrath of the Random Stains...a laundry room mystery that devistated my entire load of red and orange clothes with blue stains.

On the way back from the mall I decided to try to find Laughtrack theater. A theater that the previous cast spent time hanging out with and teaching workshops to. I just wanted to find the theater. As luck would have it I showed up 10 minutes before a full-cast rehearsal and met a bunch of the folks there.

The next day was Kahului. We went to the mall and caught a $1 bus to Lahaina. A nice little town with a big banyan tree. It was Weird Rain day. Totally sunny out except for clouds over the valley in the distance, but it was windy enough to blow the light rain drizzle all the way into the town. Needless to say there were great rainbows.

Today we're in Hilo and did some exploring. Jeff and Robyn both made guides to the ports that have been very helpful in finding stuff. However, they all said there isn't much in Hilo. If only they would have taken a right by the ice pond on the the way to Ken's. They would have found the Banyan tree park and the Japanese Garden. Maybe they did, but it wasn't on the list.

Also, anyone who really follows us travlers knows Brett bought an ukulele and let it sit for about 6 months before strumming it one time. He left it behind. Today I downloaded a free iTouch app with all the chords (C6 is all open so use that to tune the ukulele) and while we were at Borders I bought an IZ song book. I can pretty much play that Over the Rainbow/What a Wonderful World song now.

Tonight we have an improv show. Oh! Improv! If you're an improvisor...especially if you're a shortform improvisor, AND you have an iPhone or iTouch, look up the "iprov" app. It is a big list of short form games and exercises. AND it is FREE. AND. (rule of threes)

Black Cars, Black Friday, Black Everything

Today we didn't have anything scheduled before the ship took off from it's overnight in Kauai. I decided I might find some deals at the mall since it was Black Friday! (cue spooky music)

I needed some socks and they were buy 1 get 1 free on all of their socks at K-mart. So, I got socks. And I waited in line behind the people with shopping carts full of what seemed to be future Christmas presents.

Then I walked the mall. I really wanted to get some DVDs but I didn't find a store with a good selection. Luckily they had a GNC. You may remember last year I was using a bunch of supplements and working out. In Florida I stumbled across a box with all sorts of the supplements I needed for about $150-$200 (I don't remember the exact price). It also had a shirt, mixer cup, and tote bag. Well, I found the same thing here for $99. It was nice to hear "Okay...you save $241 with us today. Thank you for shopping GNC." I think this counts as my best Black Friday deal of all time.

Later I'll be leading a workshop and then we'll have our final show of the cruise. Tomorrow, the cycle begins again.

Jive Turkey

Happy Thanksgiving!

We did our shows last night and they went very well. Glad to finally get them up and running.

Today we had a cast Thanksgiving lunch at a restaurant called Gaylords. Very nice and filling.

We made it a lunch instead of a dinner because we had to come back to do a rehearsal before doing our late night improv show.

Last night was crazy wavy. Our cabins are at the front of the ship so we feel it more, but it was big time bouncing.

I've Fallen, And I Can't Get Up

We've been doing mostly rehearsals now. Today we're in Hilo, which is on the east side of the big island in Hawaii. Once a week the ship does a training drill that is for crew only. Usually there will be an announcement that says the code for a fire in a specific zone. If you are crew and you are not on an emergency team you continue doing whatever you were doing.

Once the mock problem with the ship results in the possible need to abandon ship (and it usually does) they sound the alarm for everyone to go to their muster stations to prepare to get on the life rafts. For us this means going down one floor, grabbing a life jacket, and waiting until the drill is over. I learned a lesson on a prior ship and it still holds true. The Safety Officer came by our station and said "who wants to be in a wheelchair?" I raised my hand and was picked. Now I had a new job. He told me to go to a stairwell and sit down with a sign that said "I need a wheelchair." There was also another crew member in my stairwell with a sign that said "my chest hurts and I'm having trouble breathing."

Each deck and stariwell has an evacuation team...this team had two problems to deal with and did great getting the solutions. Within just a couple minutes four crew with a wheelchair came to get me to my station, and as I was going down I saw the stretcher team come up to get the other "passenger." Apparently Jen and Larrance got to play a mother and child who were separated. So, the lesson learned: play a victim in a drill...it is more exciting.

Other than that, today we went to Ken's Pancake House. Open 24 hours and delicious. We'll probably be back.

Tomorrow is our first show. We're all veterans and I think we could have pulled this show off the first day we got here. The nice thing about being at that level is that we've been really fine tuning and doing intricate work that we might not have had time for if we were greener.

You're Safe With Me

Today was the end, and the beginning! The end of all of our tests and the beginning of our on-site rehearsals.

Yesterday was the big test day. I know I said that other test was the big test, but this was big in that it was very physical. Hands on fire and water safety training.

We had to get into full gear (pants, boots, hood, jacket, helmet, gloves) in less than 90 seconds. From there we split into three groups. Our group went to SCBA training first. Air tanks. We had to hook up the tank  the harness, put our mask on properly, and connect the air line to the mask. Simple enough once we were shown how.

Next we had the search and rescue building. It was completely dark inside. Three people went in with one leading. The followers would keep their left hand on the wall and their right hand on the suspenders of the person in front of them. We had to stay connected and keep following the wall on our left through some low spots, dead ends, and even a ladder to a second story. One guy in our group was ESL so it took a little longer.

The last was practicing putting out a fire with a firehose. There wasn't any fire at this point but the pressure from the hose was real. I was grouped with Larrance and another guy near Larrance's height. So, I was roughly a foot taller than both. This meant I had to hold the hose lower...ouch.

From there we put out actual fires with the hose, another one with extinguishers, and then went to phase two. Water Safety.

There was a lot of jumping in an out of a pool that wasn't too warm. Mostly with life vests. All in all we were exhausted and went to bed around 8:30.

Today was a final set of lectures and a final test.

After all of this I am a little distracted as I just watched a passenger smoking from the conference room I'm in. I expected her to throw the butt overboard (which is BAD) but she one upped it and threw it into the garbage can marked "Paper-Plastic". NOW what do I do? I gotta go.

Head of the Class

Yesterday we were in Kona and I had a Scandanavian shave ice. The current cast has been raving about it. If I were to sum it up I would call it a glorifired snowcone, but that doesn't do it justice. They have a lot of flavors to choose from and a small is the size of your head. I got the pink lemonade/bubble gum and it was delicious. The ice is so smooth it really is a treat. "But Rance, is there anything that ISN'T a treat about it?" The answer is "Yes. The sarcastic comments from people who are obviously on vacation as well." Granted, this think look huge. One lady gave a disgusted "gross!" right as she walked by me. And as I was processing that a couple passed me and sarcastically said (to each other, but as if they were talking to me) "Would you like some more ice cream, sir?" Douche chill.

Today was the big test. And I mean BIG as in "if you miss more than 30% you can take it again next week. If you miss THAT one...goodbye, we can't employee you." So, it is more stressful than anything else. Up to this point I haven't missed any questions on the other tests. Full 100%. This one was 50 questions and there were a few I took guesses on. It was also so serious in that they have 6 separate tests made up of random questions from the material we cover. They made a pretty big deal about someone last week only missing one question. They also said that if someone gets 100% they get rid of the test.

When we all got done and came back for our grades we found out that Jen and I both got 100%. In your face, test.

From here we have one more in classroom test and then saturday we'll be doing actual fire rescue and water survival stuff.

A Different Time. A Different Land

For those who have followed this blog awhile, I may be blogging a little differently this time around. Normally I list the post by day number and date and location. I still might do this as it helps me when I go back to organize photos. This week might just be differnt.

So far things have been splendid. A totally different experience. As I may have stated before this first week is all about training. Since we're no longer on an international ship, the requirements are a little more in depth and serious. I'm a Merchant Marine for starters. Officially. Now we all are working towards an end goal of passing the Coast Guard's fire safety test. So far we have been trained in CPR, First Aid, Personal Safety Social Responsibility, and Crowd Management. Next is the Fire Fighting written test, Personal Safety Training, and Fire and Water safety practicum. THEN we can go back to being funny.

The cool thing about this week has been that we overlap with the previous cast. Some we knew, some we kind of knew, some we knew more than we thought because of their podcasts. Robyn has been a friend of ours the longest and has been working in various locations over the past two years, so it is good to see her for more than a ten-minute run-in in some Chicago theater. Chris I've done a couple random shows with in Chicago...just as soon as he showed up on the Chicago scene it seemed he left for L.A.. Mark we know the least. He was on the Gem right before us last year. Brett we've kind of known around Chicago but got to know better on our first Gem contract. He does the podcast Aphasia Presents Something with the remaining cast members Jeff and Jeannie. They are the ones we feel like we know well because of their twice weekly podcast.

Deanna and I were actually guests on their 54th episode (I think...whatever the latest is). We may be picking up the "podcast from a ship" torch while they're away.

Last night we got to watch their shows. There are only a few differences between their running order and ours so it was fun to see the subtle differences they do in scenes.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to study personal safety equipment.

Time to Chica-GO!

As I type this I am waiting for a final loud of laundry to dry, most of which is towels and such that will stay in our sublet. Everything else but my laptop is packed and ready. We leave early in the morning.

The last of the rehearsing went well. Now we have the change of pace of keeping the show fresh in our minds until our director and producer show up in a week. Normally we go straight to the ship and rehearse until our show goes up, but on our new ship we have to do extra safety training. 40 hours of it. All next week. We're actually excited!

So, in 12 hours we leave. 8 more after that we land. Farewell, Chicago.

First Full Rehearsal

We had our first full rehearsal today. This show is going to be relatively low maintenance because our entire cast have done multiple ships so we're already familiar with a majority of the material.

People have asked if we are having a "going away thing" and I don't know if we are. I feel like on our last ship we weren't sure what we were going to do. So, we didn't know if we'd be back in Chicago long or move to L.A. or N.Y. or something. Well, we're pretty sure we're coming back to Chicago. It is our plan and would take something dramatic to change it. So, we'll be back...but you may not see us until then.

I'm supposed to be looking at lines right now, but I found the movie Say Anything in the DVDs our sublet-ee owns so I'm watching that.

**SPOILER ALERT**
Diane's dad is under investigation for tax fraud...in 1988, kickboxing is the sport of the future.

The Unthinkable...I'm Astounded.

Deanna and I set our minds to packing light this time around. Normally I have a big duffle bag (that can easily blow away a 50 pound limit), a suitcase, my photography suitcase, and my computer bag. And they all go together awkwardly. Usually I would flatten my backpack in a suitcase and my smaller camera bag as well. This time, I'm just using them and leaving my bigger camera bag and my computer bag here. Maybe that is what was taking up all the space.

You might be thinking it is other stuff, but I have all my stuff packed, with room for minor extras like the clothes we'll launder on Friday. This includes: Snorkel gear, DVDs, hair clippers, and Rance's patented plastic bin of Settlers and Uno. Those take up some space...but not as much.

We're guessing it is all shoes and winter clothes.

Tomorrow is our first official meeting with the full cast. And our last official day to go to our storage unit if we need to.

On the bonus side we dibs'd some sweet stuff from the prior cast in exchange for the duty of making sure it gets back to them. A 19" flat screen, a DVD player, and a Wii. So, we have something to do at night I guess.

Side note. In going through all my stuff I stumbled upon a pair of dark amber "Lennon Glasses" that I may actually wear. I don't have any sunglasses currently that aren't broken so they'll have to do until I can find a new pair in Hawaii. They don't make me feel like a hippy, but like a mysterious yet slightly off professor.

Soon to Sail

One day left until our rehearsals. That means tomorrow is packing day for sure. Our storage unit is only open 9-6, which is also the time we rehearse. So, We HAVE to get stuff to storage tomorrow.

As you dedicated followers may have noticed, posts have been slacking a little. That's how it goes on land. HOWEVER...I have not been slacking. I've focused all my energy into promoting myself and getting into standup. Unfortunately I chose to focus myself in this right before leaving for 5 months. But focus I have.

http://www.ranceinthepants.com

Totally different than this blog address.

Check it out from time to time to see photos or videos that are more produced than me snorkeling.

Also, since you're into checking things out, look up Aphasia Presents Something on iTunes in the podcasts. Jeff Griggs, Jeannie Cahill, and Brett Lyons (all on the ship I'm about to be on) have done this twice weekly for some time and even recently celebrated their 50th episode with great fanfare...maybe even a cake! Also, I email them a lot and they read their emails so I feel like I'm a small part of the show. You can hear Jeff quiz Brett and Jeannie, Brett do sound bites, and Jeannie chew gum sometimes!

Deanna and I have lived in this sublet since July and really have not much more with us than we brought on the ship last time...maybe less plus some warm stuff. We're going to really try to pack light this time.

"Rance. What did you do right before typing this post?"

I played my last xbox for 5 months, that's what.

Single tear.

Almost there...

We have our scripts! In 11 days we'll be in Hawaii!

In a week we'll rehearse.

Tomorrow...let the errands begin!

Can You Feel It?

Less than 20 days until we leave. I'd imagine scripts will be coming in a week or so and then the days speed by.

Rance Prepares

It is almost time again, everyone. Soon I'll be back on a ship, sailing for at least 4 months. This time, Hawaii!

Because it is a ship that is only in US waters we have to go through some extra training and actually become Merchant Marines. We've had medical tests, drug tests, got finger-printed, and when we get on the ship we'll have a week of safety training (CPR, First Aid, Fire rescue, etc). So, EXCITING!

I went back and reread some of my entries in July to see if I mentioned the above yet. I noticed that I had said I was looking for my ironing board on one of those days. I JUST found it today. It seemed like a good day for going in and rearranging the entire storage unit so I could actually find the stuff I needed and get the crap we wouldn't need out of the way...like the big chair right in the entry way of the storage unit.

It is also getting colder and our radiator heat finally turned on today. WARMTH!

Rance Remembers: Last Week

Last week was a fun adventure.

On Wednesday I flew out of Midway to Columbus, OH with Tara DeFrancisco and Pat Short to do some corporate training. You need team work training in your company? Let me know.

It was a blast not only doing the training, but hanging with Tara and Pat..AND Kirk from CSz as well who lives near where we were.

At night after the training I was STARVING! We headed to Steak n Shake. I had never eaten there before...I don't know why.

I ordered something that had a long name on the menu but the waitress called it the A-1 Melt. Steakburger patty on buttered sourdough bread with cheese, bacon, and A-1 sauce. It was sooooooo good. After I finished it Pat and Tara still had shakes they were working on. So, I ordered another A-1 melt. Oh man it was good.

On Thursday we flew back to Midway.

On Friday I had to go to Midway to fly to Philadelphia for the Philadelphia Improv Festival. My good friend Rene had asked if I would be interested in going back when I first got off the ships. I'm glad he did it then, 'cause I thought it would be fun and had frequent flier miles to use. Unfortunately Rene had knee surgery and couldn't go, but I got to perform with my good friend and old roommate Zach Ward. There are a couple videos up from the show on Facebook if you know me and go to my page.

It was a good time. I did a few headshots, a few ComedySportz shows, and the show with Zach. A fun time. I still am not a late night hanger outer person. I was up until about 1:00 on the last night and just got tired and went back to the room and slept.

Rance Remembers: A few weeks ago

A few weeks ago...how I remember it.

One thing I can say about working on cruise ships is that the in between time is harder when you know you're going on another one. Coming back from the ships means reestablishing yourself in the community. For me the hardest part is getting the headshot biz up and running again. It is based on word-of-mouth and if you're gone on a ship for 8 months you lose that momentum. So, in the meantime I have been helping out friends and doing other projects.

One of the "helping friends" things that also had a layer of "oh, and it's a job, so you'll get paid." All I was told I had to do was go out haul an anchor when needed. When I got to the harbor I found out that A: the ship I was supposed to haul anchor on was broken and B: I was going on a different ship...with an automated anchor.

This meant I was hired for three days to watch Far 40 Match Racing. What? That's what I thought too on day one. There were four ships competing in the Windy City Match Race. And I was on the signal ship on the Start/Finish line.

Day 1: Practice Rounds
The first day was a half day to practice. Not just practice for the teams sailing but for the people running the race as well.

First, how does it work? This is all according to what I gleaned while on the ship...not all can be trusted as fact, most can be trusted as accurate speculation. A yellow pyramid like buoy is placed near the signal ship (the ship I'm on), and by "near" I mean "about 100 feet away." The line between that buoy and the two orange flags on the front of our ship is the start/finish line. About 300-400 meters away from the start line is a white buoy that marks the turn around point. So, from the start the ship must go down to that far white buoy, go around it, and come back. BUT! There is ANOTHER white buoy up by the start line. They have to go around that too and then go all the way back down to the far white buoy again. Then cross the finish line. So, two laps. There are also a couple extra buoys. A red and a green. The goal seems to be to get the line from the far buoys to the finish line to match the wind direction. So, if the wind seems to be shifting a little there is a signal before the race that lets the teams know to go around the green buoy or red buoy instead of the white. If the wind shifts big time the whole course shifts to match before continuing racing. Please see the diagram.


It was pretty calm on this practice day. As I got to the job I remember thinking about cruising and wondering if my sea legs were still with me. No problems.

Day 2: Actual Racing
The second day was an actual racing day. Also, much more wind and choppiness. I thought for sure I would puke today.

There were four boats competing: Spaceman Spiff, Convexity, Flash Gordon, and Heart Breaker. Today was when I found out the exciting stuff. For me, the race isn't as exciting as the beginning of the race. On my boat there were about 6 people with various tasks. Every race started with 10 minutes worth of lead-in signaling via horns and flags (I was in charge of the "two" flag). At about 4 minutes to the actual start the two ships about to race would begin maneuvering around each other trying to draw penalties. From what I could gather a penalty happened if any ship broke any shipping laws. If you got a penalty you had to do a full 360 with your boat, after the start of the race, to get rid of the penalty.

A few times the tactical sailing worked well and a ship couldn't make it across the starting line without turning around. One time a ship was forced on the wrong side of the starting line and they had to get back across, turn around and start costing them valuable time.

In the high winds today one sail line broke and sent the ship's sail to the wind. A lot of leaning happened. Fun stuff.

And I didn't puke.

Day 3: Calmer winds
Final day for racing. The wind was much calmer. This mean more dangerous pre-start maneuvering. One of the ships liked the tactic of heading straight for our signal ship and turning at the last minute, missing our ship by inches.

All in all I learned about a new thing to me. Also, Match Racing is two ships at a time. Fleet racing is all ships at once and is less cat and mouse because you have to think about ALL the ships.

Here is video coverage:

2009 Windy City Match Race from Matt Gallagher on Vimeo.