"It's 'Hartford' me to find anything to do in this town"

Well, I just got back from Hartford, CT and boy do I have stories.

I was there for a gig. Everything with the gig and the client was fantastic, and I'm not just saying that. The stories come from the traveling.

We flew out on Southwest. I don't know if you know about Southwest, but they're known for their cattle-call style seating. When you check in you are in boarding group A, B, or C. We were in A on the way out and B on the way back. What this means is there is a place for each group to line up (under an A, B, or C) and you go on the plane in the order you lined up. First come, first serve. There weren't a whole lot of people on the flight to CT (c'mon Hartford Board of Tourism! Work harder!) I like the exit row seats for the leg room. This flight had one of those seats in the exit row with no seat in front of it...so HUGE leg room bonus. There was a guy sitting in the middle seat next to that seat. I asked him "Is anyone sitting there?' He said "yes" and stayed in his middle seat. Jeff from our group was nice enough to give me the aisle seat in the exit row on the opposite side that he was about to take...very generous. The flight wasn't that full and we all had a lot of room...including the douche bag who told me the seat was taken. It was...by him, apparently, as was the aisle seat of that row. At one point he stretched across all three seats...IN THE EXIT ROW! If you're not going to use the leg room of the row, get out of the row. Unfortunately he didn't die on the plane.

Before that...right before that, as I was walking down the aisle I met Johnny Stumbles a.k.a. Johnny "I can't see Rance if he is standing right in front of me." This guy was in the aisle during boarding. Talking to buddies, messing with his luggage, dropping his glasses. You name it. It took this guy forever to be aware of his surroundings and notice that there was a line of people behind him waiting to get seats...and even then, he didn't really notice.

Added bonus, the guy in the window seat of my aisle OR someone IN the air blower was farting. So...there were smells.

The plane landed and we got off. A few people from the aisles in front of me didn't get off...one of them was Johnny Stumbles. For whatever reason, he let everyone go by, but right as I got there (remember, I'm invisible to him for some reason) he steps out into the aisle, heads towards me (the opposite direction of everyone else), and starts talking to the guy behind me. I know my parents read this, but the only way to accurately describe this guy is "dip shit".

Hartford. Hmmm. Nothing to do there. We had about 4-6 hours to kill before our show. I watched Bridge to Terabithia on the Hotel TV. The preview makes it look like a fun movie where whatever a kid draws turns into reality. Turns out it is about him and a new girl in town use their imaginations to imagine things that don't turn into reality, but are imagined. Still kind of fun. Oh! Did I mention that the new girl in town is cute and they are best friends and when he doesn't invite her to come to something she ends up drowning? DON'T WATCH THIS MOVIE BEFORE YOU HAVE TO DO IMPROVISATIONAL COMEDY!

The show went good.

Later that night Contact was on TBS so I watched some of that. I was on 4 hours of crappy sleep and a lot of coffee was wearing off. I finally crashed. Our driver that took us to the airport was a character. He was early and found two of us. We told him the other two would be down soon. He then saw a third person...who went to use the internet quickly. The driver cam back and saw the fourth person but no third. "Where'd the third person go?" "He's using the internet." "Ah. He's on the boob tube. I don't much care for it. I can't type and I have no need to talk to someone in Istanbul."

I hope that his attitude doesn't offend all of the people I talk to in Istanbul via using this boob tube.

Side note (JUST FOR MEN...LADIES, LOOK AWAY)

Fellas. If you're in a public restroom...and you have to just pee...and you go into a stall. Yeah...those are for pooping. People actually sit on those seats. So, you know, lift the seat or stop using a blindfold. I can tell when I have pee'd on a seat, why can't the rest of you. Stop it. If I find someone doing that (how would I do that?) I will pee on them. It's just how it's gonna be.