Sad

I just found out that my mom's cousin is going to be dead soon. She has 5 male cousins on her mom's side. Their parents have been going through some rough times medically speaking...and so have some of them. When my mom was a teen-ager she had a kidney transplant so that her cousin Jeff could get it. He's gone through life constantly dealing with medical woes, but always very cheerful. Of the five, he lived the farthest away. It was always great to see him at family events.

He recently had to have some toes amputated because of dialysis complications. He and his wife have made the decision to stop being medically supported by dialysis. The doctor has given him 5-7 days.

The first time I remember actually going to a funeral it was for a step-grandmother I hardly knew. She was married to my grandpa who lived in Bend...Grandma May. I barely knew her and really wasn't attached at all. I think I was between 10-12 when she died. I remember being fine (and I could be totally wrong) until going up and seeing the open casket. I then made my way outside to the front of the place that the funeral was being held and cried and cried. I felt like I barely knew her. I couldn't have missed her more. That feeling was imprinted. I hate death. I get that way still to this day. Someone dies, I'm done for...cry and cry.

I thought I was lucky growing up because I had 7 granparents (because of my dad's step-parents). When you're a kid you're like "Whoa! I just got FOUR $10 checks for my birthday! Thad only got TWO!"...

I have one living grandparent. My grandfather on my mother's side. I resemble him except he was buff when he was young. I've lost six grandparents.

I'm not sure what to think of this one. So many things cross my mind. At least he is choosing when to go and won't be suffering anymore. I certainly will miss him though. It hits even harder because he is my parents age. It's one thing to worry about grandparents, but now everyone is getting old.

I'm not one for afterlife tales, but I hope there is one for Jeff. I'll miss you Jeff, you've always been an inspiration in positivity for me whether you know it or not. I can't remember a single time I've seen you without a smile on our face, and that is how I'll always remember you.

Who knows, maybe 5-7 days will turn into 5-7-20 years...crazier things have happened.

Mom, Dad, sis, I love you guys.