Rance in the Pants

Weary

2009-12-20T20:34:00.000-06:00

I've grown tired of writing this blog.

We're in Hawaii. We hike, play tennis, snorkel and eat.

I'll still be taking pictures and updating them here:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/rrphoto

I'll also be updating facebook photos.

Anything else I write from now on will probably be at
http://www.ranceinthepants.com

BYE-YI!

Caught! Brown Handed!

2009-12-09T19:12:00.000-06:00

Folks, if you want to be able to serve yourself in the buffet all you have to do listen to the captain's announcement on day one about washing your hands and using the hand sanitizer provided alllllllll over the place on board.

But, a majority have chosen the "He was talking about everyone else and not me." route. I'd venture to guess some of these people are "I don't have to wash my hands if I'm only going pee." folks. Now you're the "Gee, I don't like this" folks and we can't serve ourselves food.

We still haven't seen much of the big waves that have been happening. Day after tomorrow we'll get to see first hand if there is any strength left in the storm.

Good. Thought So.

2009-12-08T14:59:00.000-06:00

So, like I thought, the storm didn't really effect us...as far as being at sea with huge waves. Why? because we dodged it. All of the rough stuff was happening on the north side of the islands. 60 foot waves. Some sources said the worst since '84, some since '69.

What this DID mean is that we did some shuffling around. We did an overnight in Honolulu which gave us the opportunity to go do a show at Laughtrack Theater. Fun time there.

Our normal first port that we visit is Kahului in Maui. This is on the northside of the island so we have been working around it. Currently we're doing all of our ports in reverse and will be in them all for the exact amount of time we normally would (except for Kahului, which will be one day).

So, we're not sailing through the perfect storm, we're avoiding it.

Just In Case

2009-12-05T23:44:00.000-06:00

So we're coming on the end of our first "normal" week. No rehearsing all week long, no tests. Why "Just In Case"? Because we are heading into rocky waters with a near guarantee of "worse." Knowing how ship gossip flies around I'm guessing our waves will get up to 20 feet high tonight. Double that number and you have the latest gossip.

It is 5:00pm as I write this and we have a show at 10:15, so THAT could be interesting.

Earlier this week Deanna and I went to Sport Mart in Kona and bought tennis racquets. The previous cast was really into tennis so we figured we'd give it a try. Mike, Deanna, and I headed up to the courts of the Ritz hotel in Kauai and paid $10 to use one of their courts. We're all at a very beginner stage so getting the ball back and forth was the only accomplishment we were shooting for.

As far as buying the racquets I feel like I was at a major advantage. Each racquet was boasting to be lighter than others. When I was growing up tennis was a quick stint in the standard Jr. High PE class. If we had a racquet we were supposed to bring it in. Luckily my mom played tennis at some point in her life or my parents took up tennis. Whatever the case, I was honored by the selection of my choice between two heavy wooden racquets. That is all I've ever known. So, based on my muscle memory, every racquet in that store was far lighter than anything I was used to.

We hear it is getting cold in the other states. Chicago had snow, Portland dipping down into the 20s. The inner-ship AC is trying to rival that so I'm usually in jeans and a hoody when we're indoors.

Dear America, You've Been Brainwashed

2009-12-01T21:35:00.001-06:00

--Edit
After coming up with that title I forgot to write about the story that inspired it.

In most of the ports there are free shuttles that take you to various shopping locations. In Hilo Deanna, Mike and I took the shuttle to a place called Hilo Hattie's (Haddie's?)...a common store in Hawaii. Where ever your shuttle goes the driver is usually required to mention a little something about specials in the store and they also will talk about other areas on the island. Well, as we took a turn and neared the mall that Hilo Hattie's was in at least four people in the shuttle all said loudly and with glee "WAL-MART!" You're on vacation. Even if you weren't, no one should be that excited about Wal-mart. And to that I say "Dear America, You've Been Brainwashed."

Also, check out the comments to this post!
--end edit

What has happened...I've uploaded photos to facebook. So, check there for the latest photos. I'll get them on flickr soon.

We're finally settling into normalcy as we no longer have pesky training or rehearsals to worry about. On Honolulu Day (days of the week are arbitrary to me now) we walked to the Ala Moala Mall (? that is how I remember the name. Whatever the big ass mall in Honolulu is called). I bought a couple of show shirts, one of which suffered the Wrath of the Random Stains...a laundry room mystery that devistated my entire load of red and orange clothes with blue stains.

On the way back from the mall I decided to try to find Laughtrack theater. A theater that the previous cast spent time hanging out with and teaching workshops to. I just wanted to find the theater. As luck would have it I showed up 10 minutes before a full-cast rehearsal and met a bunch of the folks there.

The next day was Kahului. We went to the mall and caught a $1 bus to Lahaina. A nice little town with a big banyan tree. It was Weird Rain day. Totally sunny out except for clouds over the valley in the distance, but it was windy enough to blow the light rain drizzle all the way into the town. Needless to say there were great rainbows.

Today we're in Hilo and did some exploring. Jeff and Robyn both made guides to the ports that have been very helpful in finding stuff. However, they all said there isn't much in Hilo. If only they would have taken a right by the ice pond on the the way to Ken's. They would have found the Banyan tree park and the Japanese Garden. Maybe they did, but it wasn't on the list.

Also, anyone who really follows us travlers knows Brett bought an ukulele and let it sit for about 6 months before strumming it one time. He left it behind. Today I downloaded a free iTouch app with all the chords (C6 is all open so use that to tune the ukulele) and while we were at Borders I bought an IZ song book. I can pretty much play that Over the Rainbow/What a Wonderful World song now.

Tonight we have an improv show. Oh! Improv! If you're an improvisor...especially if you're a shortform improvisor, AND you have an iPhone or iTouch, look up the "iprov" app. It is a big list of short form games and exercises. AND it is FREE. AND. (rule of threes)

Black Cars, Black Friday, Black Everything

2009-11-27T17:43:00.000-06:00

Today we didn't have anything scheduled before the ship took off from it's overnight in Kauai. I decided I might find some deals at the mall since it was Black Friday! (cue spooky music)

I needed some socks and they were buy 1 get 1 free on all of their socks at K-mart. So, I got socks. And I waited in line behind the people with shopping carts full of what seemed to be future Christmas presents.

Then I walked the mall. I really wanted to get some DVDs but I didn't find a store with a good selection. Luckily they had a GNC. You may remember last year I was using a bunch of supplements and working out. In Florida I stumbled across a box with all sorts of the supplements I needed for about $150-$200 (I don't remember the exact price). It also had a shirt, mixer cup, and tote bag. Well, I found the same thing here for $99. It was nice to hear "Okay...you save $241 with us today. Thank you for shopping GNC." I think this counts as my best Black Friday deal of all time.

Later I'll be leading a workshop and then we'll have our final show of the cruise. Tomorrow, the cycle begins again.

Jive Turkey

2009-11-26T22:18:00.000-06:00

Happy Thanksgiving!

We did our shows last night and they went very well. Glad to finally get them up and running.

Today we had a cast Thanksgiving lunch at a restaurant called Gaylords. Very nice and filling.

We made it a lunch instead of a dinner because we had to come back to do a rehearsal before doing our late night improv show.

Last night was crazy wavy. Our cabins are at the front of the ship so we feel it more, but it was big time bouncing.

I've Fallen, And I Can't Get Up

2009-11-24T21:52:00.000-06:00

We've been doing mostly rehearsals now. Today we're in Hilo, which is on the east side of the big island in Hawaii. Once a week the ship does a training drill that is for crew only. Usually there will be an announcement that says the code for a fire in a specific zone. If you are crew and you are not on an emergency team you continue doing whatever you were doing.

Once the mock problem with the ship results in the possible need to abandon ship (and it usually does) they sound the alarm for everyone to go to their muster stations to prepare to get on the life rafts. For us this means going down one floor, grabbing a life jacket, and waiting until the drill is over. I learned a lesson on a prior ship and it still holds true. The Safety Officer came by our station and said "who wants to be in a wheelchair?" I raised my hand and was picked. Now I had a new job. He told me to go to a stairwell and sit down with a sign that said "I need a wheelchair." There was also another crew member in my stairwell with a sign that said "my chest hurts and I'm having trouble breathing."

Each deck and stariwell has an evacuation team...this team had two problems to deal with and did great getting the solutions. Within just a couple minutes four crew with a wheelchair came to get me to my station, and as I was going down I saw the stretcher team come up to get the other "passenger." Apparently Jen and Larrance got to play a mother and child who were separated. So, the lesson learned: play a victim in a drill...it is more exciting.

Other than that, today we went to Ken's Pancake House. Open 24 hours and delicious. We'll probably be back.

Tomorrow is our first show. We're all veterans and I think we could have pulled this show off the first day we got here. The nice thing about being at that level is that we've been really fine tuning and doing intricate work that we might not have had time for if we were greener.

You're Safe With Me

2009-11-22T21:49:00.000-06:00

Today was the end, and the beginning! The end of all of our tests and the beginning of our on-site rehearsals.

Yesterday was the big test day. I know I said that other test was the big test, but this was big in that it was very physical. Hands on fire and water safety training.

We had to get into full gear (pants, boots, hood, jacket, helmet, gloves) in less than 90 seconds. From there we split into three groups. Our group went to SCBA training first. Air tanks. We had to hook up the tank the harness, put our mask on properly, and connect the air line to the mask. Simple enough once we were shown how.

Next we had the search and rescue building. It was completely dark inside. Three people went in with one leading. The followers would keep their left hand on the wall and their right hand on the suspenders of the person in front of them. We had to stay connected and keep following the wall on our left through some low spots, dead ends, and even a ladder to a second story. One guy in our group was ESL so it took a little longer.

The last was practicing putting out a fire with a firehose. There wasn't any fire at this point but the pressure from the hose was real. I was grouped with Larrance and another guy near Larrance's height. So, I was roughly a foot taller than both. This meant I had to hold the hose lower...ouch.

From there we put out actual fires with the hose, another one with extinguishers, and then went to phase two. Water Safety.

There was a lot of jumping in an out of a pool that wasn't too warm. Mostly with life vests. All in all we were exhausted and went to bed around 8:30.

Today was a final set of lectures and a final test.

After all of this I am a little distracted as I just watched a passenger smoking from the conference room I'm in. I expected her to throw the butt overboard (which is BAD) but she one upped it and threw it into the garbage can marked "Paper-Plastic". NOW what do I do? I gotta go.

Head of the Class

2009-11-19T22:53:00.000-06:00

Yesterday we were in Kona and I had a Scandanavian shave ice. The current cast has been raving about it. If I were to sum it up I would call it a glorifired snowcone, but that doesn't do it justice. They have a lot of flavors to choose from and a small is the size of your head. I got the pink lemonade/bubble gum and it was delicious. The ice is so smooth it really is a treat. "But Rance, is there anything that ISN'T a treat about it?" The answer is "Yes. The sarcastic comments from people who are obviously on vacation as well." Granted, this think look huge. One lady gave a disgusted "gross!" right as she walked by me. And as I was processing that a couple passed me and sarcastically said (to each other, but as if they were talking to me) "Would you like some more ice cream, sir?" Douche chill.

Today was the big test. And I mean BIG as in "if you miss more than 30% you can take it again next week. If you miss THAT one...goodbye, we can't employee you." So, it is more stressful than anything else. Up to this point I haven't missed any questions on the other tests. Full 100%. This one was 50 questions and there were a few I took guesses on. It was also so serious in that they have 6 separate tests made up of random questions from the material we cover. They made a pretty big deal about someone last week only missing one question. They also said that if someone gets 100% they get rid of the test.

When we all got done and came back for our grades we found out that Jen and I both got 100%. In your face, test.

From here we have one more in classroom test and then saturday we'll be doing actual fire rescue and water survival stuff.

A Different Time. A Different Land

2009-11-17T19:31:00.000-06:00

For those who have followed this blog awhile, I may be blogging a little differently this time around. Normally I list the post by day number and date and location. I still might do this as it helps me when I go back to organize photos. This week might just be differnt.

So far things have been splendid. A totally different experience. As I may have stated before this first week is all about training. Since we're no longer on an international ship, the requirements are a little more in depth and serious. I'm a Merchant Marine for starters. Officially. Now we all are working towards an end goal of passing the Coast Guard's fire safety test. So far we have been trained in CPR, First Aid, Personal Safety Social Responsibility, and Crowd Management. Next is the Fire Fighting written test, Personal Safety Training, and Fire and Water safety practicum. THEN we can go back to being funny.

The cool thing about this week has been that we overlap with the previous cast. Some we knew, some we kind of knew, some we knew more than we thought because of their podcasts. Robyn has been a friend of ours the longest and has been working in various locations over the past two years, so it is good to see her for more than a ten-minute run-in in some Chicago theater. Chris I've done a couple random shows with in Chicago...just as soon as he showed up on the Chicago scene it seemed he left for L.A.. Mark we know the least. He was on the Gem right before us last year. Brett we've kind of known around Chicago but got to know better on our first Gem contract. He does the podcast Aphasia Presents Something with the remaining cast members Jeff and Jeannie. They are the ones we feel like we know well because of their twice weekly podcast.

Deanna and I were actually guests on their 54th episode (I think...whatever the latest is). We may be picking up the "podcast from a ship" torch while they're away.

Last night we got to watch their shows. There are only a few differences between their running order and ours so it was fun to see the subtle differences they do in scenes.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to study personal safety equipment.

Time to Chica-GO!

2009-11-13T22:12:00.000-06:00

As I type this I am waiting for a final loud of laundry to dry, most of which is towels and such that will stay in our sublet. Everything else but my laptop is packed and ready. We leave early in the morning.

The last of the rehearsing went well. Now we have the change of pace of keeping the show fresh in our minds until our director and producer show up in a week. Normally we go straight to the ship and rehearse until our show goes up, but on our new ship we have to do extra safety training. 40 hours of it. All next week. We're actually excited!

So, in 12 hours we leave. 8 more after that we land. Farewell, Chicago.

First Full Rehearsal

2009-11-11T19:29:00.000-06:00

We had our first full rehearsal today. This show is going to be relatively low maintenance because our entire cast have done multiple ships so we're already familiar with a majority of the material.

People have asked if we are having a "going away thing" and I don't know if we are. I feel like on our last ship we weren't sure what we were going to do. So, we didn't know if we'd be back in Chicago long or move to L.A. or N.Y. or something. Well, we're pretty sure we're coming back to Chicago. It is our plan and would take something dramatic to change it. So, we'll be back...but you may not see us until then.

I'm supposed to be looking at lines right now, but I found the movie Say Anything in the DVDs our sublet-ee owns so I'm watching that.

**SPOILER ALERT**
Diane's dad is under investigation for tax fraud...in 1988, kickboxing is the sport of the future.

The Unthinkable...I'm Astounded.

2009-11-09T21:46:00.000-06:00

Deanna and I set our minds to packing light this time around. Normally I have a big duffle bag (that can easily blow away a 50 pound limit), a suitcase, my photography suitcase, and my computer bag. And they all go together awkwardly. Usually I would flatten my backpack in a suitcase and my smaller camera bag as well. This time, I'm just using them and leaving my bigger camera bag and my computer bag here. Maybe that is what was taking up all the space.

You might be thinking it is other stuff, but I have all my stuff packed, with room for minor extras like the clothes we'll launder on Friday. This includes: Snorkel gear, DVDs, hair clippers, and Rance's patented plastic bin of Settlers and Uno. Those take up some space...but not as much.

We're guessing it is all shoes and winter clothes.

Tomorrow is our first official meeting with the full cast. And our last official day to go to our storage unit if we need to.

On the bonus side we dibs'd some sweet stuff from the prior cast in exchange for the duty of making sure it gets back to them. A 19" flat screen, a DVD player, and a Wii. So, we have something to do at night I guess.

Side note. In going through all my stuff I stumbled upon a pair of dark amber "Lennon Glasses" that I may actually wear. I don't have any sunglasses currently that aren't broken so they'll have to do until I can find a new pair in Hawaii. They don't make me feel like a hippy, but like a mysterious yet slightly off professor.

Soon to Sail

2009-11-09T00:23:00.001-06:00

One day left until our rehearsals. That means tomorrow is packing day for sure. Our storage unit is only open 9-6, which is also the time we rehearse. So, We HAVE to get stuff to storage tomorrow.

As you dedicated followers may have noticed, posts have been slacking a little. That's how it goes on land. HOWEVER...I have not been slacking. I've focused all my energy into promoting myself and getting into standup. Unfortunately I chose to focus myself in this right before leaving for 5 months. But focus I have.

http://www.ranceinthepants.com

Totally different than this blog address.

Check it out from time to time to see photos or videos that are more produced than me snorkeling.

Also, since you're into checking things out, look up Aphasia Presents Something on iTunes in the podcasts. Jeff Griggs, Jeannie Cahill, and Brett Lyons (all on the ship I'm about to be on) have done this twice weekly for some time and even recently celebrated their 50th episode with great fanfare...maybe even a cake! Also, I email them a lot and they read their emails so I feel like I'm a small part of the show. You can hear Jeff quiz Brett and Jeannie, Brett do sound bites, and Jeannie chew gum sometimes!

Deanna and I have lived in this sublet since July and really have not much more with us than we brought on the ship last time...maybe less plus some warm stuff. We're going to really try to pack light this time.

"Rance. What did you do right before typing this post?"

I played my last xbox for 5 months, that's what.

Single tear.

Almost there...

2009-11-03T20:41:00.003-06:00

We have our scripts! In 11 days we'll be in Hawaii!

In a week we'll rehearse.

Tomorrow...let the errands begin!

Can You Feel It?

2009-10-26T19:15:00.001-05:00

Less than 20 days until we leave. I'd imagine scripts will be coming in a week or so and then the days speed by.

Rance Prepares

2009-10-05T21:05:00.002-05:00

It is almost time again, everyone. Soon I'll be back on a ship, sailing for at least 4 months. This time, Hawaii!

Because it is a ship that is only in US waters we have to go through some extra training and actually become Merchant Marines. We've had medical tests, drug tests, got finger-printed, and when we get on the ship we'll have a week of safety training (CPR, First Aid, Fire rescue, etc). So, EXCITING!

I went back and reread some of my entries in July to see if I mentioned the above yet. I noticed that I had said I was looking for my ironing board on one of those days. I JUST found it today. It seemed like a good day for going in and rearranging the entire storage unit so I could actually find the stuff I needed and get the crap we wouldn't need out of the way...like the big chair right in the entry way of the storage unit.

It is also getting colder and our radiator heat finally turned on today. WARMTH!

Rance Remembers: Last Week

2009-10-05T20:47:00.002-05:00

Last week was a fun adventure.

On Wednesday I flew out of Midway to Columbus, OH with Tara DeFrancisco and Pat Short to do some corporate training. You need team work training in your company? Let me know.

It was a blast not only doing the training, but hanging with Tara and Pat..AND Kirk from CSz as well who lives near where we were.

At night after the training I was STARVING! We headed to Steak n Shake. I had never eaten there before...I don't know why.

I ordered something that had a long name on the menu but the waitress called it the A-1 Melt. Steakburger patty on buttered sourdough bread with cheese, bacon, and A-1 sauce. It was sooooooo good. After I finished it Pat and Tara still had shakes they were working on. So, I ordered another A-1 melt. Oh man it was good.

On Thursday we flew back to Midway.

On Friday I had to go to Midway to fly to Philadelphia for the Philadelphia Improv Festival. My good friend Rene had asked if I would be interested in going back when I first got off the ships. I'm glad he did it then, 'cause I thought it would be fun and had frequent flier miles to use. Unfortunately Rene had knee surgery and couldn't go, but I got to perform with my good friend and old roommate Zach Ward. There are a couple videos up from the show on Facebook if you know me and go to my page.

It was a good time. I did a few headshots, a few ComedySportz shows, and the show with Zach. A fun time. I still am not a late night hanger outer person. I was up until about 1:00 on the last night and just got tired and went back to the room and slept.

Rance Remembers: A few weeks ago

2009-10-05T08:29:00.004-05:00

A few weeks ago...how I remember it.

One thing I can say about working on cruise ships is that the in between time is harder when you know you're going on another one. Coming back from the ships means reestablishing yourself in the community. For me the hardest part is getting the headshot biz up and running again. It is based on word-of-mouth and if you're gone on a ship for 8 months you lose that momentum. So, in the meantime I have been helping out friends and doing other projects.

One of the "helping friends" things that also had a layer of "oh, and it's a job, so you'll get paid." All I was told I had to do was go out haul an anchor when needed. When I got to the harbor I found out that A: the ship I was supposed to haul anchor on was broken and B: I was going on a different ship...with an automated anchor.

This meant I was hired for three days to watch Far 40 Match Racing. What? That's what I thought too on day one. There were four ships competing in the Windy City Match Race. And I was on the signal ship on the Start/Finish line.

Day 1: Practice Rounds
The first day was a half day to practice. Not just practice for the teams sailing but for the people running the race as well.

First, how does it work? This is all according to what I gleaned while on the ship...not all can be trusted as fact, most can be trusted as accurate speculation. A yellow pyramid like buoy is placed near the signal ship (the ship I'm on), and by "near" I mean "about 100 feet away." The line between that buoy and the two orange flags on the front of our ship is the start/finish line. About 300-400 meters away from the start line is a white buoy that marks the turn around point. So, from the start the ship must go down to that far white buoy, go around it, and come back. BUT! There is ANOTHER white buoy up by the start line. They have to go around that too and then go all the way back down to the far white buoy again. Then cross the finish line. So, two laps. There are also a couple extra buoys. A red and a green. The goal seems to be to get the line from the far buoys to the finish line to match the wind direction. So, if the wind seems to be shifting a little there is a signal before the race that lets the teams know to go around the green buoy or red buoy instead of the white. If the wind shifts big time the whole course shifts to match before continuing racing. Please see the diagram.

It was pretty calm on this practice day. As I got to the job I remember thinking about cruising and wondering if my sea legs were still with me. No problems.

Day 2: Actual Racing
The second day was an actual racing day. Also, much more wind and choppiness. I thought for sure I would puke today.

There were four boats competing: Spaceman Spiff, Convexity, Flash Gordon, and Heart Breaker. Today was when I found out the exciting stuff. For me, the race isn't as exciting as the beginning of the race. On my boat there were about 6 people with various tasks. Every race started with 10 minutes worth of lead-in signaling via horns and flags (I was in charge of the "two" flag). At about 4 minutes to the actual start the two ships about to race would begin maneuvering around each other trying to draw penalties. From what I could gather a penalty happened if any ship broke any shipping laws. If you got a penalty you had to do a full 360 with your boat, after the start of the race, to get rid of the penalty.

A few times the tactical sailing worked well and a ship couldn't make it across the starting line without turning around. One time a ship was forced on the wrong side of the starting line and they had to get back across, turn around and start costing them valuable time.

In the high winds today one sail line broke and sent the ship's sail to the wind. A lot of leaning happened. Fun stuff.

And I didn't puke.

Day 3: Calmer winds
Final day for racing. The wind was much calmer. This mean more dangerous pre-start maneuvering. One of the ships liked the tactic of heading straight for our signal ship and turning at the last minute, missing our ship by inches.

All in all I learned about a new thing to me. Also, Match Racing is two ships at a time. Fleet racing is all ships at once and is less cat and mouse because you have to think about ALL the ships.

Here is video coverage:

2009 Windy City Match Race from Matt Gallagher on Vimeo.

Sunshine and Weddings

2009-09-07T19:26:00.003-05:00

This stump is what is left of a large tree that used to be right outside the window of the place we sublet. It actually used to give great shade to the apartment and I remember distinctly the day after cutting it down that it was bright and hot in the living room.

But we haven't really notice because we just spent the weekend in west New York state at a fantastic wedding.

I'm not that into weddings, but I go to see friends if the wedding is in the area. Most of the time I can't really afford to go if it is a "fly to" wedding anyway. This one was about 640 miles away and Deanna and I decided to drive it. 10.5 hours according to Google maps. And we coordinated with three other friends for a place to stay. We all rented a house on one of the finger lakes (I think it is Canandaigua, but it is tough to spell and say).

Jon and Leah are now married. They are possibly two of the nicest people we know and it is great they are married.

As a random side note, when we came back home, this was in our neighbor's window.

8/30/09: Filler, Shriller, Chiller

2009-08-30T10:17:00.002-05:00

Very soon I'll be taking a stand-up class. It starts next week and ends right before we leave, so the timing is perfect. In my head I've been meaning to get into stand-up for awhile. The thing that appeals to me about it in difference to improv is that if something isn't going well or the audience isn't reacting as expected...well, it is just me up there, so I can change it. If it is a successful change, I win. If not, I can only blame myself.

In other news, we've gone from the coldest July in Chicago on record to possibly the coldest August in Chicago on record. It is 57 right now and should get to the mid-60s. The nice thing about this is we can close our windows at night.

In this apartment, with our windows open, sounds always happen early morning. It seems like garbage men come daily to pick up trash. Birds have nice trees to chirp in. And dogs find stuff to bark at. All right by our apartment.

With our windows closed they are not giving up. Now we have saws cutting through cement in the back parking lot, and today I was awoken to the sound of a crazed dog and a woman screaming...in the back parking lot. I am no dog expert, but if these people would actually walk their dogs instead of letting them out into the gated parking lot they might be less stressed. It was very surreal and I was only half sure I heard it, but once it woke me up I also heard a guy say "are you okay?"

Sounds. I guess I don't always like sounds.

8/1/09: Beep Beep Beep

2009-08-02T17:29:00.002-05:00

First off, I had a great first two official ComedySportz shows back in Chicago. Thanks to the people I played with. Fun times.

The mere mention of it is to set the scene for the story. I got home around 10:30pm. Our sublet apartment has been pretty infamous for being in the center of where random sounds happen. I never really get real sleep once 5:00am hits. Birds, neighbors with loud stereos, car alarms going off, etc. But last night the sounds were going already.

Beep beep beep.

Beep beep beep.

Beep beep beep.

All of our windows were open so it was easy to hear. It sounded like it was coming from the building across the alley. I let it go until about 12:40 when I was ready to head to bed.

I shut just the bedroom window, but the sound permeated in through the other windows in our place. As I was shutting windows I saw a guy from the apartments across the alley out looking around for the sound.

As I got back into the bedroom I heard him saying something. "I think it is coming from your building!" I opened the window to say "up here it sounds like it is coming from your building." Well, the mystery was elevated.

I headed down to the alley and sure enough, the sound was coming from inside of our dumpster.

The landlord has been dry-walling and painting the entry way to the building and had just finished. Apparently. There were paint cans and random construction debris in the dumpster, as well as tenants' garbage, and a beep.

The beep was so loud that it was hard to tell if it was in a bag or in the dumpster so I would take a bag out and then listen. The guy from the other apartment started helping.

He found a smoke detector and took the battery out. Mystery solved.

I told him we were the heroes of the neighborhood and we went our separate ways.

The end.

7/31/09: Chicago, IL

2009-07-31T22:28:00.002-05:00

Getting back to life. Here is a brief rundown of what I have been doing since I got to Chicago.

Task 1: Check on our car that was in storage
When a car sits for 8 months with the battery still connected it probably needs some work. I knew this going in. I had planned on getting the car towed to a shop and having a oil change, fluid check...basic full car check up.

I had a picture of the car in my mind with spider webs, flat tires, and a layer of dust. What I DIDN'T picture was the mold that had grown. It wasn't everywhere...just where people had touched. The steering wheel looked like it had algae hanging off of it. The shifter and arm rest were gross. It was so bad that the auto shop wouldn't work on it until it was cleaned out...and they didn't tell me this until late the day after I had dropped it off. If they had told me in the morning I could have easily gone down and cleaned it. But I found out around the same time I was heading to our storage unit to get some stuff.

I cleaned it, but it was gross. When they looked at it they said we needed new brakes and tires...which was true. All in all they charged us $1400 and said we should really get it detailed to get the mold out of the carpet and vents.

So, I took it to a detail place and that was another $210. But NOW we have a shiny car!

Task 2: Find our sublet
We subletted an apartment while we're in between ships. It is farther north than where we were by just a little bit, but much farther north than where are car was. From here I rode the Red Line train or the 36 bus wayyyyy more times a day than I cared for just going to storage or mechanics or whatever.

Task 3: Storage
I am still trying to find our ironing board and iron, but I found the xbox!

That ends the tasks. The rest of the time has been spent seeing friends and playing xbox.

Now you're all caught up!

Oh...and if you need headshots...

7/18/09: Portland, OR

2009-07-18T12:44:00.002-05:00

We've gone from Europe, to Alaska, to Portland, OR. Operation: Family and Friends is nearing a close. Operation: Headshots, Shows, and Xbox is about to begin.

We stayed our first two nights with Deanna's friend Linda. It is out in Washougal, which isn't necessarily near anyone we know, but it didn't matter. Hanging with Linda's family is always a blast. Her two kids are the best (you can see them in the Kids section of www.rancerizzutto.com), even when they're fighting over who owes who $8.

It was a great time of hanging out and all of Deanna's main childhood/high school friends either saw Deanna during the day or came over that night.

Yesterday we came and checked into a hotel downtown and had dinner with Jeremy and Carrie. They've traveled around a lot and it was nice to hang with them and chat about Greece and Carrie's supposed diseases.

Tonight we're doing a show at the Brody Theater at 10:30pm. So, if you live in Portland and read this and it is the 18th...go to our show!

The rest of my time here will be headshots, catching up with friends, and trying to get the cheapest price on my luggage on the flight home to Chicago!

This may be the last post for awhile...chances are it will pick up again in November. Wink!

7/15/09: Alaska Recap

2009-07-15T14:14:00.002-05:00

Today I'm actually in Washougal, WA. BUT...we have been in Alaska since the 8th.

You'll have to check the photos on Flickr, and I'll put an actual link here...when the photos are up.

Alaska was a swarm of delicious home cooked meals, various wildlife (bald eagles, moose, etc.), and Palin supporters.

Deanna's favorite part was probably Al and Evie's dog, Chichi. A chihuahua, but the breed that looks more greyhoundish. A good dog. Deanna probably liked that the best because she has been itching for a dog and I have wanted nothing to do with that. Now at least I can imagine having one.

7/8/09: Land addendum: the air addendum

2009-07-08T16:08:00.000-05:00

This day is all travel. Literally.

We woke early around 7:30am in Barcelona we probably could have gotten up closer to 9:00, but we had an 11:20 international flight, and our apartment was on a street that we weren’t sure taxis would frequent. We had no problem getting a taxi however. Deanna and I and our 8 bags headed off to the airport!

At the gate we were told which line to get in and then…waited…for a long time. There was a “guy in a hat” (read that like it is said with disdain) that was taking FOREVER in line and had that look of outrage on his face that comes from misinformation. Meaning, we read about the $50 per second bag charge, and the excess fees for heavy bags…he probably didn’t. So, instead of realizing that and paying, he made a stink about it while everyone in line behind him waited. There was also a group of teens wearing these blue “Education First” t-shirts. There were about 5 not too far in front of us, but more…the late ones…kept showing up with their parents and just would cut into the line with the rest of the group. Boo, I say…boo!

Luckily I was trying to be in good spirits because we had a long day ahead of us. Starting with the 8.5 hour flight to NYC. Luckily our flight had individual screens and a menu you could choose from. This made the flight pass by much quicker. I watched: Taken; I Love You, Man; Sunshine Cleaners; Monsters vs Aliens; and part of Dragonball…and maybe one other movie I’m forgetting. I just kept watching movies so I could spare the batteries on my laptop and iPod for the other flights. Piece of cake.

Customs and all that in NYC was actually a breeze. We went through, headed to the gate for our flight to Salt Lake. For that 5 hour flight…I had a middle seat. I have a slightly bad knee that I just need to straighten out and pop time to time. Hard to do in the middle. But, I made it through. I watched: the rest of Dragonball; 12 Rounds; part of Duplicity.

Keep in mind I hadn’t slept on either of these flights. By the time we arrived in Salt Lake it was 4:00am in Barcelona. I was tired. I had planned on sleeping on the final flight. We flew from Salt Lake to Anchorage Alaska to spend time with Deanna’s dad and step-mom. I had an aisle seat for this 4.5 hour flight, but I could NOT get comfortable. I think I fell asleep for 15-30 minutes before I woke up to the lady in front of me getting out her suitcase right over my head and I couldn’t fall back asleep after that. I was pretty done with traveling at this point. I just wanted to SLEEP!

After 23 hours of travel we arrived. I don’t need to get on a plane again for awhile…but I still will be going to Portland and then home to Chicago. So, a couple more Land Addendums to come.

7/7/09: Land addendum: Barcelona

2009-07-07T16:08:00.000-05:00

Over the last two days we visited a couple of places that we just never really made it to while in Barcelona on the ship. The first was up on a hill…an amusement park by a church. It is called something like Tibudabo. I can’t remember exactly because Deanna and I took to calling it “beeboobahboh.” The church up there was very tall and we were able to climb up to the top for a great view. I think the only place taller is Montserat…a mountain with a monastery near the top. To get to Tibudabo we thought we would need to take a subway, to another subway, to a funicular. That estimate was close. This is when we found out that two different subway companies run in Barcelona. So, we took a subway one stop to transfer and found out we had to pay for new tickets on this other brand of subway. We took that subway to a trolley. We took that trolley to the funicular. Four forms of transportation to get up a hill to a church.

The next day we went to that other tall place…Monserat. Not only did we go from subway to subway to rack and pinion train to funicular, but we added a hike to the mix. It was a partly-cloudy day but this place is so high up that we were able to get some great views. I can’t really describe it. It was high up. As we were at a viewing area so high up at the end of the trail, the clouds started to come in. Our entire hike back, a hike that was filled with views on the way up, was obscured by clouds. Completely. As in, we were in the clouds.

That took up most of the day. You’ll have to go check out my pictures on flickr…when I get them up.

7/5/09: Day 252: Barcelona

2009-07-05T16:07:00.000-05:00

The Grand Finale. After 252 days at sea we are now done. Well, done with this contract.

Deanna and I are staying in Barcelona for a couple days on our own before heading back to the states. Today was all about getting our 4 suit cases and 4 carry-ons from the ship to the apartment we rented. Our bags are big. I researched the Delta site to find out that our bags could be 50 lbs max before we would get a fee…51-70 lbs is $150, 71-100 is $300, over 100 is, well, not allowed. With all of the stuff we brought and bought I had my work cut out for me. Luckily we lived on the same floor as the scale. Out of three suitcases and one giant duffle bag that I got on sale at the L.L. Bean outlet in Maine the weights were as follows: 49, 49.2, 49, 69.3. I tried to get them all one pound under just incase we bought any other little things in Barcelona.

One of the first things we did today was chill and then walk around. While walking Deanna bought a US to EU power converter…just a little 5 euro attachment. I was worried about whether it would convert 110 to 220 and back. Deanna assured me that they used a little plug like that in Italy when she went with her girlfriends. So, I plugged our power strip into the converter then plugged into the outlet. POP! Three circuit breakers flipped and there was something rattling around in the power strip. That power strip was bulky and weighed about 2-3 pounds on its own. Guess we just bought ourselves a little breathing room in the luggage department!

That night we went around and saw a cool fountain up by the Espanya stop. They had music playing and lights and everything that you would expect with a fountain show.

Back that night we slept in our mildy air conditioned apartment. So mild that we sweated our way through the night. Gross.

7/4/09: Day 251: Sea Day

2009-07-04T16:07:00.000-05:00

Happy America!

This morning and beyond is our final day on the ship. This means we have to go through various departments to get things signed off…returning our safety card, settling our bill, etc.

But the real gem was around 9:20 this morning. ESPN and BBC News are right next to each other channel-wise. 31 and 32. We got to 31 first and were watching a hot dog eating contest…with Kobayashi and others. It was gross (or G-Ross) to watch. When we changed channels to 32 it was about refugees starving. America!

At this point I know I have been keeping things secretive about our guest on the ship. A celebrity who rented out the entire ship for two weeks. What I CAN tell you is that rumors were flying like crazy about who all would be coming on the ship as guest entertainment. Because of the “pull” of the person renting the ship, the rumors seemed feasible. Here are the entertainers that the inner-ship gossip circle reported would be gracing our ship with performances: Justin Timberlake, Madonna, Mary J. Blige, and Beyonce. Yes, all of these celebrities were supposedly going to be performing on the ship for the lucky passengers.

Nope.

We did see a laser show on the fourth though. Not like laser Floyd or anything, but nice to have some sort of fancy light thing.

7/1/09: Day 248: Santorini, Greece

2009-07-01T15:45:00.000-05:00

Okay…enough is enough. Stop with the beauty already!

Santorini is awe inspiring. The entire population is built on the top of what seems like a crescent moon shaped island with a small black island in the middle of the “C”. What it really is is a huge volcano. The black island in the middle of the water being the dome. Since all of the buildings were so high up there were three ways to get up there: monorail type sky car things; donkey; or walking. We went donkey. The trail zig zags up the steep side of the island for about a mile (total, not a mile straight up). The donkeys are used to doing this all day and just kind of keep going. And the only way to walk up or down is along the donkey road…so you’d be walking in poop the whole way.

We didn’t really have all that much time on the island. As we were walking around we ran into Ric, Sayjal and Demian. They were walking a few towns away to have dinner and we joined them.

From there we hustled back (via donkey again) to clean up before our show. Audiences have been pretty sparse in the other shows, but we had a good turn out for our last show of the contract.

6/30/09: Day 247: Istanbul, Turkey Pt. 2

2009-06-30T15:51:00.000-05:00

Yikes…early morning. Well, late night combined with a standard morning. We probably got back to the ship around 1:00-1:30am after doing the show and eating with the cast. My camera was full of images and video and so was Deanna’s so we were up later downloading all of that data. I think I went to bed a little after 3:00am with my alarm set for 8:30.

The plan for today was to do our own thing and then meet Koray and Zeynep by Ayasophia (St. Sophia…once a church, now a mosque) at 11:00. Deanna and I didn’t do much before then. We went to the Blue Mosque and that was nice. Our favorite part, after walking everywhere yesterday and the day before, was that we had to take our shoes off and we walked inside on the nice carpet. So soft and comfy.

That gave us just enough time to be at the meeting spot. From there they took us to a cool and shady place next to an old university that served tea, coffee, and water pipes…hookahs. I had some tea and my first apple tobacco hookah. It was actually quite smooth.

Unfortunately we had to be back on the ship at 4:00pm and everyone was itchin’ to make it to the Grand Bazaar before leaving, so Koray took us there and that is where we spent the last of our minutes in Istanbul.

6/29/09: Day 246: Istanbul, Turkey

2009-06-29T12:50:00.000-05:00

More groupy stuff this time around. We hadn’t really planned anything on our own because Mary had been in contact with a former student who has started his own improv group in Istanbul (Istanbul Impro). They offered to show us around the city…non-tourist style. It was very relaxing. His name is Koray and his wife Zeynep was there too.

We didn’t get into the port until around 1pm so we spent the afternoon chatting over tea and coffee (I had tea this time) then walking to a nice place to eat. They arranged for us to have a nice sampling of all traditional dishes. Lots of lamb and veggie combos…delicious!

Everyone headed back to the ship around 6:30 to freshen up for the night. Oh yeah, we got to have another overnight port! Since Mary knew Koray she had been contacting him and they randomly went from “let’s meet” to “our Turkish improv group will put on a show for you to see” to “you guys can be in the show.” So we met between 8:00 and 8:50 for a 9:00 show. They packed the place on a Monday night. It was almost all in Turkish but still very enjoyable to watch. They asked for one of us to come up to play with them and I was the first volunteer from our group. I’m glad I did. We played a game where they got a lot of suggestions a head of time and then we just did scenes based on two of those suggestions per scene. They were all in Turkish so I had them tell me what some were, but I preferred not knowing. As they were getting the suggestions I asked them to ask the audience “What do you think Americans like to do for fun?” I know we certainly have our Muslim stereotypes in the US and I was curious about the reverse. The five responses that they took translated to: Sex, Drinking, Swearing, Conspiracy Theory, and Philosophy. Towards the end I was in a scene with Swearing as one of the things and they pimped me into singing a song. I’ll try to get the video up on youtube…I didn’t swear in the whole song…theoretically.

They were such good performers and actors and I feel like this was the best way to have our contract come to it’s end. The nice thing is we’re going to see Koray and Zeynep tomorrow!

6/28/09: Day 245: Izmir, Turkey

2009-06-28T08:45:00.000-05:00

The second country on our itinerary that we don’t know the language for. There was another crew tour offered today to go to Ephesus…one of the natural wonders of the ancient world. Unfortunately it was also more ruins and we had no inclination to go to that.

We headed to their bazaar with Ric, Kwami, and Janet with a cab driver who also walked with us as a guide. The first shop we went in offered us tea or coffee and showed us their goods. I wasn’t too interested in buying anything but waited with the group while they got their teas and I my coffee. Turkish coffee is different. I didn’t care for it. Everyone else got the apple tea and it was DELICIOUS. I should have got that.

Once we found a store that sold suits Ric was in there for awhile. Kwami and Janet had to get back to the ship and Ric was going to be a while so Deanna and I headed off. Well, without our Turkish guide and strength in numbers we were approached by EVERY vendor we walked past. We got out of the bazaar.

Luckily we saw more friends from the ship and tagged along the way to see…the walk back to the ship. Many times along the way we came across groups of children, usually boys, who would follow us saying “I love euro! I love euro!” I was doing bits with some of them and they just got more annoying. The last group we came across followed us up until a restaurant worker started walking towards them with a stern look on his face. They all ran away.

Tomorrow we’ll be in Istanbul and we’re supposed to go see a show by Istanbul Impro. I love foreign improv…especially if it isn’t in English.

6/27/09: Day 244: Athens, Greece

2009-06-27T08:43:00.000-05:00

I signed Deanna and I up for a crew tour of Athens today. I couldn’t find Deanna and there were only two slots left on the sign up sheet so I did it without talking to her about it. It turned out she had researched Athens and planned stuff, but we went on the tour anyway.

It ended up that the tour took us to the Acropolis and that was pretty much all it was going to do. So, after seeing the sites there we found our guide and told her we were going to find our way back. Best choice ever.

We walked into a little neighborhood…the equivalent of NW Portland, but less hippies and cooler. Nice little shops, nice dining. A good rest after looking at ruins in the heat. Deanna and I are kind of ruin-ed out. We’ve seen Pompeii, Herculaneum, Acropolis, and all of the rich history that is Europe. Our guide also told us that some of the things in Acropolis were replicas and the real ones were in the museum.

From the neighborhood we took a train back to our port area of Piraeus and took the long walk back to the ship. Sweaty day, over.

6/25/09: Day 242: Messina, Italy

2009-06-25T06:12:00.000-05:00

What the hell is happening out there? More on that later.

Today was one of the new ports for us. We ported in Messina. If Italy is a boot and Sicily is a soccer ball, Messina is the spot on the soccer ball right across from the toe of the boot. Now, my ancestors supposedly come from Calabria, which is right on the tip of the boot. We pass this area a lot on our normal itinerary, so I kind of look out at the homeland every now and then. But today we had the opportunity to go there, and go there we did. When we first got there it seemed, well, a little crappy. After getting closer to the center of town it turned out to be a really nice little town. We ate and walked the boardwalk.

Along the boardwalk in the water we saw a handful of jellyfish…the kind with the long poisonous strands. Yikes!

So, I’ve set foot in my Italian homeland.

Now, what’s with everyone famous dying this week? Ed McMahon, Farah Fawcett, and now Michael Jackson? What the hell?

6/22/09: Day 239: Barcelona, Spain

2009-06-22T08:54:00.001-05:00

Well, we finally had an overnight in Barcelona. Yesterday Deanna and I were using the internet during the day, went to the ship, and then headed out to meet up with the rest of the cast around 8pm. The only plan I knew of was “meet and go somewhere for food and drinks.” I was focused on the food part.

It turned out that everyone was at the meeting spot, PLUS Tiffini from the Gary Musik company, Rene…Josh’s roommate who was on the previous cruise and knew a friend in Barcelona, AND Jeff and Mary! For this two-week cruise we are scheduled to do a LOT of workshops with adults. So, many that there are also a lot for teens and kids…Jeff and Mary are here to handle those workshops. I’m glad they were there, it was nice to meet new people after 4 months of not.

We walked around the city being lead by Matt who knew where the “good places” were. We found one little square that was packed with people…dirty hippy people. Luckily there was another square about two blocks away. We went there and found a place. I was hungry!

We got food and drinks and chatted with the new people and then headed off…for food and drinks. We were done with the second set of food and drinks around 1:00am and then ended up back with the dirty hippies. It was very “Moulin Rouge bohemian spirit”-esque, but dirtier and hippier. Lot’s of people sitting in circles on the cement drinking beer and smoking and talking. People playing guitars and singing. Dogs. After a little of this Deanna and I headed back to the ship.

If you know me you know I am not a foody and don’t like spending money on meals. The night set me back about E50. Not too bad, for one night. I don’t see how people do it every port and stay out of debt.

We have a celebrity chartering the ship. I’m not gonna say who, but the cruise has a great “look and feel” department that is coordinating everything with their graphic logo and color palate. To the point where as we walked through the port terminal…a place these passengers will only see three times (yesterday, today, and the final day) we noticed that all of the seats there…some 200-300 airport gate row type seats…had been reupholstered in a color that matched the rest of the look and feel and theme and what not. For real. I’ll get a picture. Check my flickr.com.

Today was just getting food and using internet again while we can. I was takin’ care o’ business. We have a 5 minute slot in the Welcome Aboard show…a showcase of what will be happening later in the cruise. That is what we do tonight.

6/19/09: Day 236: Lucca, Italy

2009-06-19T10:18:00.000-05:00

Thanks to the three people who offered improv suggestion. I think I used one of them…no, not Larrance’s Choice.

This week has been, as I think I mentioned, a series of last-time-heres. I think we pretty much hit everything we wanted to do.

“Malta=internet.” When we first got off the ship around 10:30 and headed to the restaurant for internet we discovered the power was out…for the whole island. I don’t know what happened, but it fixed itself about an hour and a half later. I still have some photos I didn’t manage to get uploaded, but SOME of them are up on flickr.

“Naples=funicular to park.” Check. Naples was hot and humid. But, we walked to the funicular stop and headed up the hill to walk around a castle with a great view of the city, and a park filled with lovers and water-fightin’ teen-agers. At the end of it all I wanted to just get back to the ship and out of the heat.

“Rome=Sistine Chapel.” And the Vatican. I don’t know where I thought the Sistine Chapel was. I only remember people saying “you have to go through the Vatican Museum to get into it.” So, I figured…for some reason…the Vatican Museum like the bookstore that was connected to the Vatican just like every other place you go to has a bookstore at the end of it. Deanna and I viewed the Vatican, which was scientifically amazing…it was huge but designed not to feel huge. Hard to explain with words. Then Deanna, who knows where the Chapel is, leads me right back out of the Vatican and St. Peter’s. What? Isn’t the bookstore back inside? No. We go to the actual Vatican Museum which…is…HUGE. Two hours of walking around in that later I get to the Chapel. It was great and I wish I could have respected it more and enjoyed it more. I was just so sick of walking around the museum by that point that I skipped past a lot of stuff. Plus, it was hot and muggy again.

“Livorno=Lucca (rain or shine).” Every time we had been in Lucca before it had been at least cloudy with some level of rain. Deanna had come here before with her girlfriends and rode bikes around the wall. It is a walled city with a road going all along the top of the wall. We rented bikes and rode the wall! The weather was great, and we made all the shuttles and trains to get us there. After the prior two days, I wouldn’t have minded if it was raining.

The next cruise is a two-week charter and will have some different ports. We have one more shot at Barcelona, Civitavecchia and Malta, but the rest…for now…are gone. BYE-YIIIII!

6/15/09: Day 232: Sea Day

2009-06-15T08:00:00.000-05:00

First off, I didn’t even realize that I left the day number off the last three posts. Second…we’re winding down.

I think ever since we hit June and I had to start thinking about getting headshots and USA stuff going I have been in “home” mindset. Even though we have just under three weeks left we technically have four more mainstage shows, four more improv shows, and a contractual possibility of leading four more workshops. Usually we only have one workshop per cruise since things are so busy, but our last cruise will be a 14 day adventure with a few more sea days…prime time for workshops. We’ll see.

This week is my week for coming up with the improv lineup. If you comment fast enough you can help me pick the running order, or perhaps you think you have what it takes to do the full lineup. I’m taking requests. 7 shot form games make up the running order. Who all reads this?

It feels like a time for reflection. I feel like Deanna and I have become much better travelers with each other. I think I’ve relaxed a little. In the beginning I was more like my dad where I wanted to make sure we saw everything and I didn’t want to waste time stopping for food or anything that could be done on the ship later. I still like to get back to the ship with a nice buffer instead of waiting until the last possible moment.

Other things. If you are Prouty, Tara, Ries, Super, Shad, or Buster Bluth…not only have your parents been in our show (“Mr. and Mrs. [lastname]”), but you have been diagnosed with D.U.M.B.

Since this is our last cruise with this itinerary (we will hit SOME of the ports on the next cruise, but not all) we know exactly what we’re doing for the week. Malta=internet; Naples=funicular to park; Rome=Sistine Chapel; Livorno=Lucca (rain or shine).

You have very little time to suggest improv lineups!

6/12/09: Livorno, Italy

2009-06-12T10:59:00.000-05:00

Looks like it is time for a recap of the week! Hmm.

In Barcelona I went and found a good internet spot. I was there by myself because Deanna was volunteering to be a spa customer. They do spa tours as the passengers arrive on the first day and like to have people actually getting massages and facials and what not so the services can be seen in action. I also just wandered around to see if I could find a new area that might be interesting for when Deanna and I stay in town for three days.

Malta was another internet day. I’m getting my headshot biz back in order and needed to mail out my newsletter and such. I found a new spot that is not only right by the port but also has fast wifi…and I’m not saying where until I leave.

Naples was going to be me going to the Archeological Museum and Deanna going up a funicular to a park. We decided to walk together to a coffee place and then we would part ways…but she had a total mapping brain fart. She is normally really good with maps and direction but got totally turned around by a plaza. It was a big plaza similar to St. Peter’s but a little less grand…just a little. So, she wanted me to go up to the park with her instead of us splitting up. We walked to where she knew the funicular stop was…but we had walked a long ways past it. To the museum! It was a good thing we went to the museum because there were two main sections of it that were closed when Deanna originally went. It had all sorts of frescos and mosaics from Pompeii and Herculaneum. A lot of great statues from those and other places as well.

The next day we were going to go to the Vatican and Sistine Chapel, but we heard that it would be closed. The one day of the year it is closed is the day we were showing up…Corpus Cristi day. So, we went to the town next to Civitavecchia, San Marinella and went to the beach. They had really nice beaches with umbrellas and chairs. I had my mind set on that…as did Deanna. I figured we could go to a restaurant and for an entrance fee we could use the beach by them. Well, kind of. It was 2E for a bathroom/changing room pass; 9E for an umbrella, and 14E for two beach chairs. All purchased one at a time as I figured out that they didn’t come together. All said and done, we sunbathed in between a mix of to guys kicking a soccer ball back and forth, rambunctious teen girls splashing water on each other, guys walking by with crappy jewelry or hats for sale every 10-15 minutes, young 20-something topless girls and older 50-60-something topless women. All in all it was a nice day with only minor burns.

Later that night in our improv show we got a 9-10 year old boy named Reynold to do our sound effects for an improv game. I was making TONS of sound effects at that age. Reynold, on the other hand, was very literal…but hilarious. There were cats (“meow”), dogs (“bark”), a combo (“meark”), but the best was when Ric said “My phone is vibrating! Let me switch it so you can hear the ring.” Reynold, “I like ice cream. I like ice cream.” Brilliant.

Today we were going to go to Lucca. Due to normal Livorno hang-ups we got to the train station in time to watch our train leave. For some reason there is a train to Lucca at 10:20 and the next one isn’t until 12:20. So, we decided to go to Florence instead. We wanted to go back to both of them and would only be here two times including today. We’ll get you next time, Lucca!

6/6/09: Cannes, France

2009-06-06T05:32:00.000-05:00

Here is a run down of what I remember from the last week.

In Naples I went to Herculaneum with Josh and Matt. It was pretty cool. It is smaller than Pompeii because it was incased in lava instead of ash so it takes longer to dig up. It also had some cooler artifacts and mosaics sitting around. AND we saw the whole thing since it wasn’t as big. Very manageable.

Other than that Deanna and I have spent our week relaxing and NOT seeing things. We didn’t even get off the ship in Civitavecchia. We just went and hung out in Livorno…we had planned on going to Lucca, but the weather wasn’t that good.

Today we’re in Cannes taking advantage of the Wifi in McDonalds. And it is crazy in here with people on their lunch break. I’m outta here!

5/31/09: Barcelona, Spain

2009-05-31T04:37:00.000-05:00

Today was disembark day for my parents, but their flight wasn’t until 8:00pm so we hit the town. The biggest obstacle…and it wasn’t that big…was finding a place to keep their luggage in the port so we A) wouldn’t have to carry it with us or B) wouldn’t have to wait for them to go to the airport, check it, and come back.

Barcelona has a 21euro tour bus and that is what we did. They are double deckers with audio provided…three separate routes…a good way to see the city without walking. We rode the Blue route for a while and then got off near Sagrada Familia to take photos. Getting back on the bus from there was a longer process. We took the red route all the way around the north end of the city and walked La Rambla back to the shuttle area.

From there we taxi’d back to the port, got their luggage, and just like that they were gone.

The rest of the day we relaxed.

5/30/09: Day 216: Cannes, France

2009-05-30T09:50:00.000-05:00

Today my parents went off on their own….on an excursion! And, as much as it should NOT have meant that we did this, Deanna and I woke up around 8:30. We really should have slept in.

We just went to town to buy snacks and shop a little then headed back to the ship.

I think other than that it was just dinner and improv. Oh! My parents got treated to a dinner by one of the officers, so we all went to Cagney’s for steak! We got out of there RIGHT before our show. I need a little more “sit time” after a steak dinner so, well, I was farting a lot on stage.

5/29/09: Day 215: Pisa, Italy

2009-05-29T09:48:00.000-05:00

Pisa day. A little more relaxed. We met at 10:00am!

We port in Livorno…one of the more confusing ports as you may recall from other posts. Luckily there was a taxi willing to take us to the train station…apparently a rarity as we discovered on Matt’s birthday. We asked if someone could take us, the guy said “sure” And turned to ask the other drivers if they wanted to take us. They all shook their heads “no.” So the guy we talked to did it.

My dad didn’t think there was much he wanted to see in Pisa so he was in a mind set to take it easy. As we thought, there was plenty for him to photograph. I have been to Pisa three times now but never climbed the tower. I’m glad I saved it. We all bought tickets for the Baptista, the Cathedral, and the tower.

First, the Baptista. I had never been in this before. It looks like a really fancy grain silo from the outside. There were “silencio” signs around everywhere. It was slightly ornate inside but not as fancy as some of the other places. We got up to the top level looking down when someone said something that made all the other employees inside do some major shushing. A lady walked up to the baptism pool in the center and sang a note. It echoed forever. She then sang the note again followed by a lower one and then an even lower one. Because of the length of the echo she was able to sing a three note chord by herself. It was awesome. I got a little bit of video footage from it…remember 5.29.09 and come back to check that entry sometime in late July. By then I should have videos on you tube and I’ll link it here.

Next the cathedral, which I’ve been in before, but my pics are all on the hard drive I dropped so I took more. Then the tower. The climb was great and we saw Ric down below.

One of the best little parts came at the end. We stopped for food and Deanna had a little wine. My parents walked the shops right by the tower and Deanna and I walked around. A LOT of people who go to the tower pretend like they are holding the tower up with their hand…you know, by lining up the shot. So, they are just standing out there with their hands in the air. I told Deanna to start high-fiving them and I’d take pictures. The first couple of times she basically snuck up on people and shouted “HIGH FIVE!” This after all of our passengers are told to beware of pickpockets. She scared a couple guys. Once I told her to calm down and be cooler about it we got some good shots and gave a lot of people some stories for their vacations.

5/28/09: Day 214: Rome, Italy

2009-05-28T15:05:00.000-05:00

Well, my dad shut down Plan Awesomer. After meeting off the ship at 9:00 we all went to the Coliseum together with the plan to get to St. Peter’s by the end. Deanna and I talked my mom and dad into taking a guided tour. It was a little extra money, but they could get past the line of people waiting to get in.

Deanna and I got coffee and came back an hour later to meet them. They showed up about 90 minutes after they started…that cut our time down. We caught up by taking a taxi to Trevi Fountain. Then to the Pantheon…eventually ending in St. Peter’s.

As we were cutting minutes and racing through the city we realized that Rome is not a one-day city. But we did pretty good for one day.

After all was done and said Deanna and I chilled out before a 9:30 show. Improv style!

5/27/09: Day 213: Pompeii, Italy

2009-05-27T15:03:00.001-05:00

We all headed out to Pompeii today. We met at 9:00 right off the ship. The plan was to get a taxi to the train station, go to Pompeii, then catch the train further to Sorrento.

After about an hour in Pompeii we had hardly gone far at all because my dad was taking pictures of everything. I came up with a good idea…”hey, ladies. You go to Sorrento, I’ll stay here with dad and we’ll meet you if there is time. Otherwise we’ll see you on the ship.” I call it Plan Awesome. Why? Because the ladies were done with Pompeii.

So, they headed out and we stayed there for another 2.5 hours. It was cool because I got to see some stuff I had never seen before. But it was damn hot. We didn’t have time to go to Sorrento and do anything but walk to the port to catch the ferry back. Now, my dad tries to get his money’s worth and wanted to do more. We arrived in the main Naples station and headed out into town to try and find one of those tour bus thingies. By the time we got there my dad realized he was beat from walking around ruins in the blazing sun all day and we just walked the rest of the way back to the ship.

Deanna got back and said her and my mom had a great time. Plan Awesome = SUCCESS. I set the ground work for Plan Awesome II: Plan Awesomer…tomorrow we’re going to Rome and my dad wants to go to the Coliseum. The plan includes me and him going straight to the Coliseum while Deanna and mom go to St. Peter’s Square and go from there.

Later that night we went to see the show…they pulled it off again!

5/27/09: Day 213: Pompeii, Italy

2009-05-27T15:03:00.000-05:00

5/26/09: Day 212: Valetta, Malta

2009-05-26T16:45:00.001-05:00

Today we all went out into the city to see the history of it all. We stopped in an archeological museum with a lot of megalithic artifacts first. Then to St. John’s Cathedral…my dad didn’t want to go in but once the rest of us saw just right inside the door Deanna went out and grabbed him. It was beautiful and interesting.

From there we split. My mom and Deanna went somewhere while my dad and I went to the places on the map. It is getting hotter…I imagine by the time our contract is up we’ll be out of the super hot temp just in time.

Tonight we had our shows. We had a quick little scene that wasn’t hitting very well. Last week we put a sketch in the crew show that I wrote and we tried it tonight in lieu of the one that wasn’t working. It was great! It is a ship specific scene…but also Cruise Director specific, so once he goes it won’t work at all.

5/25/09: Day 211: Sea Day

2009-05-25T16:45:00.000-05:00

The thing about this itinerary is it is packed with busy days. There is only one sea day and that is at the beginning of the cruise…most likely to help people get over any jet lag.

So we told my parents to take it easy and that we weren’t going to really be up and about until 10:00 or so.

All in all I managed to get laundry done AND get a work out in, so not too shabby. We played Uno between breakfast and lunch. Went our separate ways and met again for dinner and the production show.

Unfortunately, one of the singers in the cast had a family emergency and needed to go home for the week. This only happens rarely, but it meant some minor lipsyncing. Don’t get the wrong idea. They are very professional and only went to lipsyncing because otherwise it would be the remaining male singer almost always on stage with no time for costume changes. It was pretty hard to tell. Deanna and I could tell because we recognized the voices from the last cast.

From there it was good night.

5/24/09: Day 210: Barcelona, Spain

2009-05-24T16:44:00.000-05:00

Today my parents arrived! They were debating on whether to come on the cruise or not because flights are expensive. But, they did it!

They got in last night and apparently there was some huge celebration dealing with soccer (futbol). Since none of us really follow it we assumed they won the world cup. There were some people firing off blunderbusses and my dad, who has enough of a hard time hearing as it is, was standing right by one. So, we’re starting off with him having worse hearing.

Around 10am they showed up at the port to drop off their luggage and meet us. We took them up to Montjuic to see the castle and botanical gardens.

I was expecting them to pass out right after that because of the time difference, but my dad waited until we got in the middle of the 10:00pm show for the night. He would wake up to clap at the end of each number. Deanna and I were both tired, and this is day one.

Bonus items include: my day brought a 500G external drive for me; they brought red vines for Deanna; as an early birthday present they brought me seasons 3-6 of Family Guy. Deanna and I have been missing our nightly Family Guy since we left the states and the Cartoon Network turned into BBC News.

5/23/09: Day 209: Cannes, France

2009-05-23T18:35:00.001-05:00

Today was supposed to simple. Take a tender into town, go to the café with the fast internet, come back. Technically, we did that. But, neither of our computers would connect to the internet so we walked around the shops. Deanna bought me a bright blue shirt and I bought a long pair of shorts. They are supposedly surfing shorts and they look like capris, but the bottom 8 inches of them can zip off so they look more like regular shorts. I’m super trendy now.

The tender was super rough right by the ship. It wasn’t that the weather was crazy or anything, the waves were just parallel with the ship so the tender rocked easily side to side.

My parents will be here tomorrow! Technically I think they are in Barcelona already. One thing they DIDN’T give me was their flight info.

Other than that I finally made it to the gym. It had been about 3 days. Other than that Deanna and I taught 7 people how to improvise and we proceeded to have a so-so improv show. Tada! I’m gonna go get some meat.

5/22/09: Day 208: Florence, Italy

2009-05-22T18:33:00.000-05:00

Today we went to Florence. Aside from dropping my hard drive yesterday we also had a busy night. Improv show, Liar’s Club, and then a crew show starting at about 1:00am when all was said and done. After the show we had that show adrenaline going AND What Happens In Vegas was on the crew channel. So, we were up until 3:30…with a planned wake up time of 8:00am. Well…that didn’t happen.

We managed to get up and off the ship at 10:00am to get an 11:11 train. Plenty of time, but in Livorno you have to account for the shuttle to town and the bus to the train station. Everyone else had gone on the crew tour of Florence that left around 9:30, but the bus went straight there. We were glad that we went on our own.

It was a really nice. Just walking around and taking in the city. We bought a couple paninis to take to a park to eat. The park cost 10euro. We went to the next park on the map. It was a residence. We went to the next one. Yea! It was a kind of scrappy park by an art school. They had fruit and stuff for sale out front. We had our sandwiches and some strawberries. We also discovered a fun game called “throw the pigeons a big chunk of bread and let them figure it out.” As they peck at it they end up flinging it around.

On our way back to the train station we ran into the rest of the cast. It was around 2:45. Their tour was supposed to go until 5:00pm but they got told it was coming back at 2:45 instead. They were steamed a little about that. The whole bonus of going on the tour was the bus coming back late so they could see more in Florence.

We made our way back to the train and rode home.

Things are starting to “summer up” around here. A little more hot. A little more humid.

5/21/09: Day 207: Civitavecchia, Italy

2009-05-21T09:17:00.000-05:00

So, I normally sit down and write about actual days a few days after they actually happen. Just now I was cleaning some space off my computer and putting it on my external hard drive. As I leaned back with the computer it pulled the drive off the desk and it fell…hard. It had everything on it. It doesn’t work now. The worst was I set myself up for a terrible “I told you so” kind of moment by telling Deanna to be careful by it when she got something out of the refrigerator.

My only hope is that I can take it somewhere to have the data recovered. I have all the headshot stuff backed up, but I just lost all the photo originals from a ton of stuff…most recently, all ship photos up until 4/18. And it fell within 5 minutes of me emptying the Recycle Bin.

Some of you may remember that my desktop computer fell down the stairs before we left for our first contract. I can’t win with this stuff.

So…anyway…Deanna and I went to Sorrento yesterday and did internet in Malta. The End.

5/17/09: Day 204: Barcelona, Spain

2009-05-17T04:36:00.000-05:00

Today Deanna and I decided to head up to Montjuic…a mountain with a park and an Olympic stadium on it. We had our route all figured out. We would take the subway to the entrance, walk through, and take the funicular down.

Once we got off the subway we were at the entrance of the park and found an auto show…right in the middle of the entrance…that cost 10euro. So, we found a way around.

It was a nice walk. At the Olympic stadium we saw a huge tower. Deanna said she had read a story somewhere that the tower was where the Olympic flame was and it was lit by an archer who shot a flaming arrow up to it. As a safety measure they used a really combustible fuel so that even if the archer missed by less than 6 feet it would light. I have a lot of pictures.

As we walked along and got right up by the actual stadium Deanna got out her Barcelona book and read that the tower we were looking at was actually an artsy telephone tower, and that the flame was in a dish on top of a tower right along side the tower. Same story for how it was lit. I took a picture.

We then walked around to the other side of the stadium where the road was. This is where we found the tower that held the Olympic flame at one point. So, we saw three potential flame towers, one being real.

Our goal from there was simply to find the funicular and ride down. We looked for a bathroom along the way an stumbled into the Olympic museum…and it was free! It was a cool place with a lot of historic info, like how the Marathon got started (a soldier ran the 40k from Greece to Marathon at full speed to deliver a message and died of fatigue…something like that), and that the Olympics happened for about 1000 years before Christianity shut it down in the late 300s. Until it started up again in 1898. Seeing old equipment next to modern equipment was interesting…especially archery. A wooden bow next to a carbon bow with the sight and that aiming bar and all that jazz.

We made it back and later in the day watched the Spanish Ballet group (flamenco stompy clicky dancing). Three women and one man. It made us think my sister could get a job on the ship doing that. At the very end while the Cruise Director was making his announcements on of the dancers came out without the dress part on to get something from the stage…thinking a curtain was closed so she could go out. Everyone saw her except the cruise director. It was hilarious and awkward.

5/16/09: Day 203: Villefrance, France

2009-05-16T04:33:00.000-05:00

This is the one time we will be coming to this port because Cannes is packed with people for the film festival. We sat at a restaurant and used internet all day. The End.

5/15/09: Day 202: Livorno, Italy

2009-05-15T05:26:00.000-05:00

Today was hilarious and painful. It is Matt’s birthday and he wanted to go to Lucca. Ric was assigned to an excursion he signed up for so the remaining 5 of us decided to go. Now, Livorno is one of the worst ports in that the port itself is far away and they know it and therefore they don’t offer a free shuttle to the city…AND you can’t walk. The hard way to get somewhere is to take the 5euro shuttle to the 1euro bus to the train station. We knew this and planned to meet and all get a taxi to the train station. It had been done before with no problems.

Well, not on Matt’s birthday. None of the taxis would take us because they said they were all reserved for tours. So, we got in line for the shuttle…and got stuck behind the lady trying to buy tickets with US$. If you’re in another country…USE THEIR MONEY. America isn’t that much of a super power…and don’t be stupid. We were also stuck behind the people who didn’t understand that the shuttle was pretty much their only option, and didn’t understand that the entire line of people was waiting for them. We were ALSO stuck behind the guy trying to sell back 4 tickets. The main dilemma for us was that we were trying to make a 10:00am train and if we missed it we would have to wait a while for the next one. We didn’t make it.

Once we got off the shuttle and bought bus tickets we realized the bus was taking forever. We finally found a taxi to the train station and had a 20 minute wait until the train to Pisa (where we would have to transfer to the train to Lucca).

When we got to Pisa around 11:10 we checked the schedule. Next train to Lucca…12:30. Ugh. This DID allow us to walk around Pisa and we went back to the park where I climbed the pole.

We eventually made it to Lucca and had a nice walk around. Oh, I forgot to mention that on the shuttle one group asked Deanna (because she is easiest to recognize from our show) how to get from the shuttle to the train and she told them where to buy bus tickets. That started a wave of other people asking her questions to the point of when she was buying bus tickets two ladies said they were just going to go with Deanna where she went so they wouldn’t get lost. That didn’t happen.

5/14/09: Day 201: Civitavecchia, Italy

2009-05-14T05:13:00.000-05:00

Since yesterday was so angry we decided to take it easy today. Deanna and I just strolled around Civitavecchia not taking a train or anything. We said we’d go out for an hour before coming back to work out.

Luckily we got out there before full-city-nap-time. There was a big open air market with lots of stuff. Normally I find something good but today was Deanna’s day. She got a shirt that looks like Ted’s Twilight costume. Let me explain. In Twilight, when the sun shines on a vampire they sparkle like diamonds…Ted’s shirt for the 3rd Floor Twilight sketch was completely covered in sequins. Deanna found a shirt like that for 4euro. She also found a belt and some sunglasses. I almost bought a belt for Brett. I still might if I see it again.

We stopped in a little shop called Hula Hoop to eat. It was by no means a restaurant. They had sandwiches and cappuccino though so it was good enough for me. At one point as we were eating two old tourist ladies came in and began to communicate using the native tongue…”ICE CREAM. Do you have IIIICEEE CREEAAAM?” They got pointed to the freezer where there was packaged ice cream bars. They seemed a little disappointed, but intrigued. More native tongue: “Flaaaaayyyy-ver? Flaayyyyyy-ver?...Vanilla?” They left.

Other than that we went back to the gym and worked out. I ran 5k before getting to the rest of my workout. I’m back in running action!

We then had what I think is one of my favorite improv shows. The crowd was great, the games were fun. Good times all around.

5/13/09: Day 200: Naples, Italy

2009-05-13T12:33:00.000-05:00

Day 200! Holy crap. Just the other day as I was watching the news they were talking about Obama’s latest achievements and I realized I’ve been on this ship since before he was elected. So, we’ve reached the 200 day mark…and it sucked.

Of all the times that we’ve been to Naples I had only actually got off the ship twice, and both of those times meant getting on a bus and going to Pompeii. The other times we’ve had rehearsals, or it was raining, or I was tired, or I was fighting ninja Nazis.

We got a map at the information center. It was a map for these hop on bus tours that go all around the city. Unfortunately this meant the at the colored lines of the bus routes covered a lot of street names. All we really wanted to do was walk to the train station to see how long of a walk it was and know how to get there. Well, we got lost. Slightly irritating. The map’s lack of names…more irritating. I figured I would just stop in a shop and buy a map. We couldn’t find a map ANYWHERE. A lot of book stores. A lot of photocopy stores (like, too many of those. How many copies do they need?). NO MAPS!

I was soooooo done with this place. Deanna continued on and I headed back, finally finding a map near the ship. Once Deanna came back she had purchased the same map.

We’ll see how I fare next week.

5/12/09: Day 199: Valletta, Malta

2009-05-12T12:32:00.000-05:00

It is calming down a little now that we realize we’re spending money fast here. Also, it is nice to not wake up early every morning to see something. Today we just went to a restaurant off the ship to use internet. I’ve been doing research about getting headshots up and running.

It also looks like Deanna and I will be stopping in Alaska and Oregon before Chicago. I’ll be trying to do headshots in both cities we visit (I’m aware I listed the names of states)…we’ll also more than likely be doing our Silent Treatment show. So keep an eye out for that.

We had our shows tonight instead of on Rome day. The actual day will probably vary in the following cruises. I like today. It is one of those days that we leave port early so it isn’t like we’re rushing to get on the ship before it leaves.

5/10/09: Day 197: Barcelona, Spain

2009-05-10T10:45:00.000-05:00

It all begins again. Deanna and I walked to the city instead of taking a shuttle. It is a long walk. We had planned on going and seeing a park up on the mountain, but the weather was kind of iffy so we walked along the waterfront. As is the usual case, we needed to get food. Deanna wanted to get a good meal and we found a restaurant that looked decent…the waiter greeted us and showed us the menu, he was nice. I ordered chicken and Deanna got the steak he recommended. I also got a cappuccino…tasty. When we got our food it was, standard/sub-standard. My chicken was ok…it was about 7euro. Deanna’s steak was fatty and flavorless for around 14euro. It wasn’t necessarily bad, but we weren’t going to eat there again. The waiter came and asked if we wanted dessert. We both asked for cappuccino. He came back with these two half cappuccinos. I know they were half because I had already had a whole one earlier. I just wanted to get the check and leave.

We asked for the check and he acknowledged us, then proceeded to go to three other tables showing them fresh fish. I was at the point of giving him 2 minutes to bring the bill before he would need to chase us for the money. After taking his time to bring it we saw that our steak, chicken, salad, bread, and cappuccinos came to 49.05 (about $70). We put our money together. I put 45euro on the tray while I got coins out of my pocket. He picked up the tray in a hurry and walked off. For taking so long to bring the check he sure had time to grab it. He came back saying there wasn’t enough. Yeah…I know. I put 4.10euro on the tray and we were done. I wish I remembered the name of the place so I could tell you not to go.

My favorite part of the day was watching the street vendors…the illegal ones. I know they crack down on unlicensed street vending in Italy, and now in Barcelona too. The vendors appeared to be mostly African with a few Indians…selling purses, sunglasses, or belts. All of their merchandise was on a 4x6 sheet. If they were selling purses they had ropes attached to the corners of their sheet so they could quickly pick up their stock and run if the cops came. The sunglasses guys would cover the sunglasses with another cloth then roll and fold up their sheet. Sunglass and belt guys usually had a backpack that their folded sheet would fit into and they would blend into the sea of tourists.

These guys were constantly on the move as police patrolled. At one point we saw a police car by a tourist bus stop we were checking out. Then I heard a commotion and looked behind me to see about 30 guys with their huge sheet-sacks of purses running across the street. Slowly followed by three police on foot. It seems like a constant cat and mouse game. As soon as they catch one that only means that the rest of them have free time to sell.

5/9/09: Day 196: Cannes, France

2009-05-09T10:44:00.000-05:00

Short time in Cannes. The Cannes Film Festival starts in 4 days. We won’t be here. I think I mentioned that last week.

Deanna and I just walked around in a direction we didn’t walk last time. I really just wanted to get coffee and maybe find some internet…score! We found a café with free internet that was SUPER fast. I was able to catch up on all of my TV shows.

From there we just walked. Through the streets of shops. Down by the topless beaches (which seems to be every beach). And that was about it.

We had to be back on a tender no later than 1:30. That meant watching my TV shows, eating dinner, and that was about it…before our 11:00pm improv show. I remember looking at the clock at 9:59 and thinking “I think I’ll just go to bed early tonight.” Luckily I remembered the show.

5/8/09: Day 195: Livorno, Italy

2009-05-08T10:10:00.001-05:00

After all the early mornings and excursions and walking we slept in today. Which meant we woke up at 9:00am-ish instead of 7 or 8. At around noon we went into Livorno to look around and see shops. Luckily some were open. We need to learn that 11:30-3:30 is sleepy nap time.

I did find a nice light jacket in one store. With sleeves that are long enough AND for a skinny person. In the midst of finding and purchasing it I lost my sunglasses. We tried to tell the Asian ladies working there that we were looking for my Occhiali da Sole. They pointed us to the sunglasses for sale. I said “no…Cerco…Trovato” knowing (pretty sure) that that meant lost and found. They understood and started looking. We couldn’t find them. Luckily they were one of the 3 for $20 pairs of sunglasses we bought in FL. As we left the store one of the ladies came running out and had my glasses. ‘RAY!

Now we are back on the ship and trying to piece together our future.

5/7/09: Day 194: Rome, Italy

2009-05-07T10:07:00.000-05:00

Deanna and I headed into Rome today. We’re trying to take it easy a little…not only so we save money, but because my parents are coming on board in a couple weeks and we want things to still be fresh to us when we see it with them. So, we went to see the Cappuccini Monks and the Villa Borghese.

The Cappuccini Monks (thus named because of the hoods they would wear with their robes) have a church with an inside cemetery. The difference from most cemeteries is that this one is decorated with the bones of the dead monks…like on the walls and evert where. It isn’t that big. Just five rooms along a hallway that probably wasn’t even 100 feet long. Amidst the bone decorations were usually 5 monks…dead ones. Their robed skeletons standing with cross in hand. Some of them still had skin on them. Creepy. I didn’t research it enough to know if they were buried for a while before getting posed or if they were there straight away. It was a 1euro donation to see, so affordable and interesting!

Villa Borghese was a big park with many attractions that we just sort of walked by. As we first entered we saw a place that rented bikes. We thought we would get a tandem bike and go around the park for an hour. The guy tried to upsell us to one of those four person car-bike things saying the tandem was heavier. We said “no” but then figured it was only 10euro. He said he just needed a piece of ID to hold until we got back. I only had my ship ID and gave him that. No. He wouldn’t take it. Deanna tried to tell him that it was good. He said no. She got mad. I got my 10euro back and hauled her away. Not worth the effort for a car-bike we didn’t want in the first place.

As we were walking around our bodies realized we had walked a lot on our excursions the day before, and our brains realized we had two shows later in the night. We started to walk to the train station.

It was a long walk and I got us lost. We always say Deanna will be in charge of directions if we’re on Amazing Race…but somehow I was in charge of getting us back. Once one of us gets lost and the other knows it they will say “you’re off my Amazing Race team.”

As we were walking up to the train station we saw a crowd boarding a train that we then saw whisk off to the destination we wanted. Oh well. We then checked the schedule. The train that just left would make 9 stops before getting to Civitevecchia. The next train only made 5 and would be there in 25 minutes. Score.

Our shows seemed just slightly less attended than the ones in America, but more well received. So, that was a nice bonus.

5/6/09: Day 193: Naples, Italy

2009-05-06T09:35:00.000-05:00

Earlier in the week Deanna and I signed up to be escorts on the excursions. The crew can go on the excursions for free if they’re picked, but you have to keep track of the people and fill out a report. When you sign up you get three choices. Deanna and I signed up for the same first and second choices thinking we could go together. So, today…early…Deanna went to Capri and I went to Pompeii and Mt. Vesuvius. At least now we know they’ll probably never send TWO people on the same excursion. There was one other person on the same excursion as me, but she was on a different bus and in charge of that group. I saw her maybe 3 or 4 times throughout the day.

The good news is that I got to climb to the top of Mt. Vesuvius (from the parking lot)! Still, it is about 550 meters to get there. I was supposed to stay at the back of the group and that was definitely easy to do on the climb up. The trail let us see into the crater at the top. At one point I thought I saw some of the last people, but there was about 100 meters of trail left to the end. I went to the end to see if anyone from our group was there and to herd them…there wasn’t. I started power hiking back and finally found the end of our group. As you start the climb there are two guys handing out walking sticks. When you return the stick they ask for a tip. There were a lot of people there and if they get 1euro a stick they’re wealthy.

From there we went to Pompeii. I was glad I got to see it again, but unfortunately the public bath part was closed. That was one of my favorite parts from last time because the roof wasn’t wooden so it didn’t collapse or burn in the ash.

Now I’m back, my feet are tired, and I’m watching German TV...that home fixer show...they just play a snippet of the Inspector Gadget theme song.

5/5/09: Day 192: Valetta, Malta

2009-05-05T09:34:00.000-05:00

This is the most amazing city to see sailing in and out of. We’re only in town until 2:00 so we don’t get to see much. Luckily, Stacy invited us to go on his friend’s bus. That’s right…he has a friend in Malta who drives a shuttle bus. So, we got to go see the lovely ex-capital city of Mdina! It is a walled city that looks ancient and holy like everything else around.

We all went and had enough time to look around and get some 25 cent cheese pastries.

Other than that we finally saw the new dancer/singer cast do their first show. They’re good. Oh, and we now get some German TV station that has this poor-man’s version of Extreme House Makeover. They basically fix a house, and play 10-30 seconds of popular 80s songs in the background every so often. The songs are what kill me because they make no sense. I don’t have an example.

5/3/09: Day 190: Barcelona, Spain

2009-05-03T09:32:00.000-05:00

We made it! Crossing complete!

It was nice to have a calmer main port day in Barcelona. The crew were always rushed in New York because we got in at 9:00 and left at 3:00. Here we get in at 5:00am and leave and 7:00am. That means people can get out of their cabins sooner and show up later, thus giving the stewards more time to clean the rooms.

Sometimes you can get perks on the ship if you’re crew. Deanna volunteered to get a free facial in the spa so that new passengers who were touring the ship could see the experience and possibly book an appointment. The bad part was that it was right in the middle of the day from 12-2pm. We tried to get off the ship for coffee around 10:30, but it was still crazy with people leaving so she went back to the ship and I went into town to unsuccessfully find free wifi.

I came back right around 1:30. Deanna came to the room soon after and said that her facial got cut short because the lady booked a 2pm appointment. Apparently Deanna did the whole thing to get the 90% oxygen blast (I have no idea) and that didn’t happen because of the paying customer. She headed into town.

Later that night as we ate dinner there was a great pink sunset at the back of the ship complete with dolphins jumping out of the water. I’m not kidding.

5/2/09: Day 189: Cannes, France

2009-05-02T08:58:00.000-05:00

I’ve never been here before. You may know of the Cannes Film Festival. That happens while were out here!...and it also happens the one time we go to Villefranche instead (to dodge the crowds for the festival.

I like it better than Villefranche already because it is bigger and seems like it has more to do. We’re not there very long and got a late start. Deanna and I had lunch with Cherry and Serena. They have become really good friends with Deanna and they leave tomorrow.

Other than that I managed to go to the gym for the third time in 14 days.

5/1/09: Day 188: Pisa, Italy

2009-05-01T08:55:00.000-05:00

We decided on Pisa. There was still a whole part of the city we hadn’t seen before so we went back. Today was a national holiday in Rome which meant pretty much everything was closed. A restaurant here and there, but that was it. Luckily there were a lot of street vendors selling things. We walked, we sat and ate, we walked.

At one point we found this park with tall poles for climbing. I have never been able to climb well up ropes or poles, but I tried and made it to the top without the use of my feet. Oh, I tried to use my feet, but they just kept slipping on the pole.

Our normal routine to Pisa is 5euro taxi to train station; 1.6euro train to Pisa and the same to come back; 5-6euro taxi to ship. What we didn’t take into account was that there were usually 4 or 5 of us together and that cut the cost. It is 20E for a taxi to the train station. We could have tried to take a bus, but they were closed because it was a holiday.

We did make it up to see the tower, but just briefly before walking back for our train. Everyone was taking pictures of people looking like they were holding up the tower. I tried with Deanna but just couldn’t get it right. So, I started taking pics of people getting their pics taken.

4/30/09: Day 187: Civitevecchia, Italy

2009-04-30T06:54:00.000-05:00

We have to do a boat drill once a month, which is better than most who do it weekly. Our participation is minimal because we have no real responsibility other than that of a passenger…get to where you would load onto a life boat. Well, it was scheduled for today.

If you want to see Rome while in CV you have to leave pretty much right when we dock at 7:00am. It can take a maximum of 2 hours to get to Rome via train (so, on a bad day) which lops 4 hours off your day right there. This gives you from 9:00am-2or3:00pm to see Rome. The safety drill was at 10:00am. Rome=out of the question.

Deanna checked things out a few days ago when we heard we’d have the drill and found a city called Tarquinia that was nearby. The whole cast went on this adventure! It helped that we all had to get up for the drill.

It was a short train and a E.60 bus to get to an old walled city. Another bonus is that everyone is getting ready for some national holiday that happens on May 1st so there were a lot of tents selling stuff. Like Saturday Market in Portland, but less “hippy.”

We walked around. There was a SPECTACULAR view at the top of the city wall. The sky was blue and sunny with huge, billowy clouds in the distance. We didn’t take any time for breakfast on the ship so I was starting to get hangry. That is a term I got from Katie Rich. It’s when you’re so hungry you get angry. Deanna and I ate at the top of the hill by the wall…this was a debacle.

The café had these sandwiches that were basically a fried chicken breast in a baguette. All that Rosetta Stone Italian failed me I said “pollo?” and pointed, but I said it in spanish like po-yo. She grabbed a chicken salad sandwich. I said “no” and pointed to the back row where the chicken sandwiches were. She grabbed a different one from the front. This went on a bit. Once I finally got her to grab the sandwich I wanted she also grabbed a salami sandwich. I couldn’t figure out how to tell her I only wanted the chicken sandwich. We were both frustrated in the end, but left on a good note when she asked if I wanted mayo and I only had to say “si.”

As we walked outside to sit we noticed the front of the café. It said “coffee time,” “sandwiches” and two other things I forget. And I’m not translating. All in English.

After much walking and nearing our 3:45 meet time Deanna and I stopped for sit down lunch. We ordered pizza…she ordered wine. She also learned she only needs a glass of it and not half a liter. How? While at the bus stop waiting she went of to use the restroom. On her way she tripped hard on this big black metal frame that looked like it used to hold a closet door sized piece of glass, but now was just an empty piece of the bus stop. She slammed both ankles into it, fell onto her hands, and somehow hit the top of her head too. Wine.

What we do tomorrow will depend on how sore Deanna is. Pisa? Florence? Lucca? Livorno? Possibilities!

4/29/09: Day 186: Ajaccio, Corsica

2009-04-29T06:53:00.000-05:00

We were here last crossing. This town is famous for a few things: being the birthplace of Napoleon; technically being a part of France but hating that they’re a part of France; and having a city name that no one on the ship really seems confident about knowing if they’re pronouncing it right.

We pretty much just walked around and had coffee. We tried to get internet, but my computer wouldn’t connect. So, we sat there using our iTouches.

This is also the city where I got that necklace for my mom.

We’re starting to feel the difference in the ports now. On the other itinerary I was going to the gym every other day. Maybe getting out to see stuff, but mostly looking for internet in Merritt Square mall or at Nassau’s cyber café. I haven’t been able to download hardly anything so far.

No we get up early to take advantage of the ports…especially the ones we’ll only see on the crossing. Which means we’re tired when we come back. I took a 30-40 minute nap around 6pm the other day and wasn’t able to get to sleep until around 3:00am. At least I’ve sort of adjusted. Some of the dancers still can’t fall asleep until 9:30am.

4/28/09: Day 185: Sea Day

2009-04-28T13:45:00.000-05:00

This is the last sea day of the crossing. Nothing but ports from here on out. Ric and I lead a workshop today that was interesting. Well, it was our normal workshop, but the people in it were much more interested in performing or seeing us perform. When we got to our Q&A at the end the questions were along the lines of “Do a scene for us!” to which we replied that we would be doing a show later on in the cruise. Then “Okay. I’ll give you a suggestion and you two make up a song about it.” I felt like Gui (for those who get that).

Later on we did a fun Liar’s Club. Josh did it for the first time and the stories he made up to lead into the definitions were full of opportunities for side commentary. I don’t know if he found that fun, but it was fun for the rest of us. I was pretty tired from not catching up on sleep and there was a juggler on board that I was thinking of going to check out. At the last minute Deanna and I decided to go. Not going to it would have been the worst thing ever because it was The Skinny German Juggling Boy, Hilde.

I remember someone telling me about him before…Jen or Ben or someone. He was hilarious. His juggling was good, but his constant interaction with the audience and overly cheesy jokes were what got me. If I was still reffing at Csz I would have a ton of new bits. If you see me in person remind me to tell you about “the hand is quicker than the eye”, the magic disappearing cracker, and how to deal with a leaving audience member.

4/27/09: Day 184: Malaga, Spain

2009-04-27T10:08:00.001-05:00

Crew tour TWO! Near Malaga there are caves in Nerja. The caves have the world’s largest stalactites and stalagmites. Sure, big deal, right? The award winners were 32 meter’s long. There was a huge section of the cave where this massive pillar supported the whole thing. The other amazing thing was learning that it takes 100 years for a stalactite to grow one centimeter. So…these things were old.

The similarity between the two crew tours is that 5 children discovered the caves (in 1959). It was such a find that the kids were awarded $3000 each. There was also a lot of evidence that primitive man lived in these caves. They are also deep enough that their temperature is constant at around 70 degrees regardless of winter or summer.

We got back in time to hit up the city, but Deanna and I were both on little sleep so we headed back to the ship for nap time!

4/26/09: Day 183: Cadiz, Spain

2009-04-26T10:07:00.000-05:00

Cadiz is another place I haven’t been yet, so I was all set to just get out and walk around. Luckily they have walking tours with painted lines on the sidewalks to guide you through.

Deanna and I went to a Watch Tower and climbed to the top for the view. It reminded me of the video game Assassin’s Creed. Mostly because from up there you could see all the roof tops, AND they have a lot of towers. Part of the ticket price to get in included a tour via camera obscura. Sort of like a telescope, it lets light in through lenses and a mirror which gets focused on a big white dish in a dark room. By lifting or lower the dish the guide could focus on certain things near or far.

We also checked out an old Cathedral. Near this cathedral was a bar called MamaJuana that was hopping. Deanna and I had coffee at an outdoor café right near there. We saw a lot of crew, a homeless guy swearing at his clothes, and a guy tried to sell me a dog.

4/25/09: Day 182: Lisbon, Portugal

2009-04-25T10:06:00.000-05:00

There was a crew excursion today and I signed Deanna and I up for it. Instead of going into Lisbon we went to Fatima! I had no idea what was in Fatima, but Deanna is always hinting for me to plan things so I planned going on this.

It turns out that Fatima has a basilica larger than St. Peter’s square in the Vatican. It also turns out that Catholics are…well…crazy. No offense, but some of the things that were going on here…crazy. Let me start at the beginning.

Fatima. In 1910 three young shepherds (two girls and a boy. 10, 9, and 7) saw lightning and headed for home. Then there was another flash an in its place was a bright white lady holding a rosary…so, not necessarily the Virgin Mary, but “the Lady of the Rosary”. She told them to be good and stuff and said she would be back on the 13th day of the next few months. Supposedly 70,000 people were there the final time this happened.

In the place where they first saw the lady there is a small chapel. It is part of the larger basilica. The whole town is pretty much based around the church and the income from the 5 million visitors per year.

Not crazy enough? Let us dig deeper. There are all sorts of shops in town. Almost ALL of them sell a wide variety of statues of The Lady and the kids who found her…as well as toys for kids, and weirdest of all, candles.

What is weird about candles? The ones that are in the shapes of body parts that are taken to be burnt like offerings or something. And when I say body parts I mean we saw, arms, feet, legs, intestines, breasts, heads, children, kidneys, etc. Apparently they are burnt in this big fire pit area where you can also light candles. Burnt when you pray for something to get healed and it does…I guess.

Not weird enough? There is also a long sidewalk within the basilica that leads down a slope to the small chapel. There were several people traversing the 80-100 yards on this walk…on their knees. One lady was lying on the ground inching herself forward using only her feet.

I’m sure I’m forgetting something too. It was an interesting experience on multiple levels. Oh, of the three kids that saw this, two died within 3 years and the other lived a long time and became a nun, or she might even still be alive.

It was also raining a lot of the time. AND I shipped all my warm clothes home so I’m relying on the same three layers every time the temp drops.

4/24/09: Day 181: Sea Day 5

2009-04-24T11:01:00.003-05:00

042409_0032
Originally uploaded by Rance Rizzutto Photography

See those? Are they yours? There are really two people they could belong to…three if you count Ben Johnson, but I doubt they are his. This is the second ship I have been on where I randomly find undergarments behind drawers. On the Jewel our bottom drawer wouldn’t close all the way. I reached behind it and found a nighty, some pj bottoms, and some panties. I contacted the possible owners and returned them to Katie.

These little gems can only be Jen’s or Allison’s. I’m leaning towards Allison. Deanna took a picture of me in one of them for me to email Allison, but I thought “all I need is that floating around the internet.” It is dead and gone.

I got to the gym for the first time in about a week. I wasn’t taking any pills or drinking my shake, and it had been about 3 hours since I ate so I got tired pretty quick.

Later tonight we’re hosting or co-hosting a crew party. We were FINALLY going to do a crew show tomorrow night, but that mean making sure there is booze available to the crew. THEN we found out there was going to be a crew party the night before. Never follow a party with a party. So, we jumped on board with the party. I think it is the first one Second City has done while I’ve been on. Every party usually has a theme, usually involving dressing a certain way. Previous themes I can remember: 80’s, Camouflage, White Christmas, Black & White, Green, and Brett’s favorite…the Stop Light Party. For the Stop Light Party you wear Red if you’re dating someone, Yellow if you’re single but not looking, and Green if you’re single and looking. It usually ends up with a few people wearing red and everyone else just showing up for the free drinks.

Maria submitted a joke theme of Drink & Dance and they took it. So, we’re hosting the Drink and Dance party. More on that tomorrow.

4/23/09: Day 180: Azores, Portugal

2009-04-23T07:46:00.000-05:00

Land! We arrived in the Azores today for our first official return to Europe…other than hearing The Final Countdown in an Arrested Development episode a couple days ago.

I’ve been learning Italian pretty hardcore, picking up a little Spanish, and putting French in Deanna’s hands since she took it in school. Well, guess which country speaks Portuguese? Luckily Deanna and I were hanging out with Cherry and Serena and Serena knows Portuguese. As we first got of the ship we weren’t sure where the main part of town was. We decided to take a cab to the center of town and if it wasn’t far we would walk back. Serena, our interpreter, went out on her first task to ask the cab driver how far away town was…I believe her exact phrasing, and I may be off on the accent, was “How far away is town?” I didn’t translate that…that was what she said. I think the only Portuguese she ended up really saying was when a passenger asked the worker in the shop where the bathroom was, and he didn’t understand.

It was a nice little town and an easy day. The one hour time changes everyday are really starting to punch us in the face. I came back and fell a sleep for two hours.

Tonight was another new act. Moscow Magic. Stacey the pianist was raving about them saying they were great. They were. They had a lot less big tricks and more slight of hand. I don’t know if they are just on for this cruise but I would see them again easily.

Tomorrow is another sea day.

Oh, Jane and JJ left today too. Boo. We got to know them really well this time around. The nice thing is that we know for sure they will be back for our last two weeks so we’ll see them again!

4/22/09: Day 179: Sea Day 4

2009-04-22T12:52:00.000-05:00

Well, my partner and I didn’t advance in the bowling contest, but we made it interesting in the 10th frame again. All they had to get to beat us was 5 pins. They narrowed that to two pins with one ball left to throw, but it took them three throws to do it. They hit 8 pins with the last ball.

Having the bowling tournament at 2:00 every day has made the crossing fly by. It helps having something to do every day.

Tomorrow we’ll be in the Azores at 9:00am. So keep an eye out for that!

4/21/09: Day 178: Sea Day 3

2009-04-21T08:09:00.001-05:00

Still sick.

I wish there was a neti-pot for lungs. At some point before we did the crossing I bought Day-Quil and Nyquil. It was a recommendation based on not knowing if they would have those brands over in Europe. I just didn’t think I would use them ON the crossing. I have one more dose of Day-Quil left.

Yesterday, for no real reason, I woke up around 8:00am and stayed up. This is a good thing since we will be setting our clocks ahead one hour every day for six days in a row. So, it was really like I woke up at 1:00pm.

Also yesterday was Bowling with the Stars! We did this on the last crossing and I think Larrance won. I think last time it started at 16 teams of 2 and the 8 highest scores moved on. This time it was a bracket system. My partner and I took on Cletus and his partner ( who asked Cletus at the start “how do I hold the ball?”). Cletus and I were about even, but he was doing a little better. Those who know my bowling will understand the next part. Around frame 6 I decided to put away the normal style and break out the 7-pound spin. Last time I attempted this patented throw was with Brett and Ryan. They must have just oiled the lanes because the spin did nothing. This time I caught way too much spin…every time. Now, my normal tactic is to do a good job, but ease off just enough to not win, thus freeing me from coming back to bowl the next day. The bowling happens right in my prime gym time. But, I’m sick and haven’t been working out. I think in frame 9 I went back to bowling “normal” and got a spare. In frame 10 I got two strikes. With our combined score the other team needed 18 points to win. Cletus, who had been on a streak of spares…blew it on his first throw. He knocked down four random pins and didn’t have a good chance of a spare. Throw two, four pins. His partner, who had asked who to play the game, needed a spare and one point more to win. Double gutterballs. So, today at 2:00 I continue on.

4/19/09: Day 176: Sea Day 1

2009-04-19T08:08:00.000-05:00

Today is the first full sea day. On the day of our last stage show (last Monday) there was a weird mildewy tinge to the air backstage. About 3 days ago I started getting a little bit of a cough. Today it is full blown. Not bad if you think about it. I’ve been sick maybe three times since October, and some of our current cast have been sick that many times already.

The magicians are gone, so things are a little quieter from next door. Currently we have comedian Bill Hildebrandt back on board for the first part of the crossing at least. They usually have people on for the first part and then replace them with more permanent entertainment mid-crossing. I know at least that we’ll be losing Jane Powell and JJ on the first port day, but we know they’ll be back at least for our last two weeks of the contract.

Three more sea days until a port. Our first show isn’t until Saturday. Plenty of time to not be sick anymore.

4/17/09: Day 174: Sea Day

2009-04-17T08:06:00.000-05:00

Whoa…last night was ROCKY. Easily the rockiest it has been so far. Pair that with my cough that I recently got and you’ve got yourself some prime non-sleep.

Tomorrow is our final day in New York, and in the USA for that matter. I think we have four sea days before our first port. So, I’ll probably (or, in Italian, probabile) be in the gym a lot…hopefully.

There are a couple of guys in the buffet who I may have mentioned before. They are the greeters. As people are walking in for breakfast they are both saying “Goood MORNinnnng! Happy happy! Enjoy your breakfast!” It is too the point where every time we play blindline we get the suggestion “Good Morning.” Today, instead of saying “Happy happy!” they would say “Rocky rocky!” because of the weather and waves.

I guess after the last show tonight (I wasn’t there, but Deanna was) the cruise director was making his end of show announcements and found a surprise way to introduce some special guests. Those two guys came out from the sides saying “Goooood MORNinnnng!” and the whole place went nuts and got up on their feet. Deanna said after the show there was a huge line of people waiting to get their pictures taken with the guys. They are rockstars for simply saying good morning and being peppy. I hope this wasn’t their last cruise.

4/14/09: Day 171: Great Stirrup Cay

2009-04-14T13:09:00.000-05:00

Technically we’re just about an hour into the 15th. Tax day. Got your taxes in?

Normally we leave the private island around 6:00pm and slowly loop around the water until we head for Nassau and get there at 8:00am. We’re super close, we just don’t need to be there until 8:00am. Well, tonight we heard something that is not good to hear on any day. In the crew hallway we barely heard the medical alert code being called. This can be for anything that requires further medical assistance/training than what the surrounding staff have been trained for. So, from hard falls to heart attacks.

About a minute later they made the medical alert call in the actual crew cabins. They never do this. This pretty much means “…and it’s serious.” The good news is we’re pretty sure no one died. We’re sure of this because we heard the steering motor sounds come on and checked the map on channel 22. We did one tiny loop in the water and made a bee-line for Nassau. We are now backing into the port and there is an ambulance waiting at the port. They live…they need help before 8:00am. I hope they end up being okay.

In other news, today is Deanna and I…my?..mine’s?...it’s our 9th anniversary! And the first one on a ship. For a secret present I am taking her to Europe.

4/12/09: Day 169: Sea Day

2009-04-12T13:08:00.000-05:00

Another set of “lasts” is upon us. This is our last Florida/Bahamas cruise before we head back to Europe. So, we’ll have one more sea day before we have a LOT of sea days for the crossing.

On the last sea day, so two days ago, I went to breakfast right around 11:00 and saw a water spout. Which is like a mini-tornado at sea. A very narrow cone that went all the way down from the sky to about 20 feet above the water, but you could see a mist at the base of the water that let you know it was touching. Pretty cool. This was the day that all those tornadoes hit on land.

I also switched webhosts to more updated one, but I did it wrong. So, my email and website were dead for the past two days. They should be working now. It will be a couple more days until it actually transfers over to my new server. Getting it all sorted out meant burning serious minutes on my internet card. Day two of this cruise and I have less than an hour left on my card.

Poo.

4/9/09: Day 166: Freeport

2009-04-09T11:53:00.000-05:00

As you may have noticed, I added google ads to my blog. So, if all 10 of you click links every time you read, and I update frequently I’ll probably receive some money in 5 years or so. The fun thing is that it picks ads based on what is in the blog. Here is a test: I had a boss at CMD in Portland who was an Abraham Lincoln impersonator on the side. True story. If you don’t believe me check Ripley’s Believe it or Not. End test…oh wait: Tron.

Our Freeport stop is always brief. My typical morning on any day is waking up naturally around 10am and fake sleeping until 10:45 so I can hustle up and get an omelet before the breakfast buffet closes. Deanna is typically still in bed and now that she bought a shiny new iPod iTouch by Apple (another small test) she will play some games for awhile once she actually wakes up.

Today I woke up around 10:45. Deanna wasn’t next to me, she wasn’t in the office chair, and she wasn’t on the couch. She also wasn’t in the bathroom, yet I swore I just heard her moving around. Then I heard “Rance, close the curtains! There is a man outside the window!” On Freeport day the port is on our side of the ship and level with our window. Did I mention I heard Deanna’s voice coming from the floor? She had dropped to the ground and that sound was what probably woke me up.

In other news, Jet Li’s Tai Chi Master was on the crew channel today. Want to really warp your mind? Rent this movie. It is in Chinese originally, so set it to English Lanugage. AND…turn on the subtitles. That is how it was set up. Guess what? The dubbed English and the subtitles matched about 3% of the time. T’was bizarre.

4/7/09: Day 164: GSC…or IS it?!

2009-04-07T10:36:00.000-05:00

These are the last couple of weeks before we go to Europe again so it is all blending together and blanding together.

However…today the weather was too wavy so instead of going to Great Stirrup Cay we went straight to Nassau. We didn’t get there until 7:00pm, and we’re normally there until midnight on our normal days, but we didn’t have a show today so we were actually out at night!

Deanna and I went out to eat Indian food with Cherry and a couple others. It was a little bit of a walk. The reason I write is because on the was back a guy in an SUV with the music blaring pulled up next to us and said “You need a ride?!” to the other couple we were with. To which they said “no.” He turned down the music and said “What? I didn’t hear you! I didn’t hear what you said. Do you need a ride?” All the while driving right along side of us as we walked on the sidewalk.

Now, IF we needed a ride and had said “yes” while he was blaring his music do you think we would have kept on walking straight ahead? Perhaps confused on how to actually seal the deal on a cab ride? How do we get in this thing?! I DON’T KNOW!!! IF WE JUST KEEP WALKING HE’LL PULL IN FRONT AND SCOOP US UP!

Idiot.

April Fool's Day

2009-04-02T16:21:00.001-05:00

I didn't really try any good jokes, but here is one that happened to our friend and ex-castmate Brett.

http://jeffgriggs.blogspot.com/2009/04/april-fools-joke.html

3/30/09: Day 156: Port Canaveral

2009-03-30T20:40:00.000-05:00

Just a couple of random thoughts.

I saw Monsters Vs Aliens in 3D today at the mall. I liked it. It wasn’t the best, but it had moments that made me laugh…AND…3D!

Today after our show Deanna and I went to blue lagoon. It is Monday, March 30th. The band was playing some jazzy/bluesy version of The First Noel. I can’t figure out why. Close to easter? Good enough for Christmas songs?

One fun thing about being friends with actors is getting to not miss them while at sea. “What are you talking about, Rance??” I get to see friends in commercials and other stuff. Last year it was mostly Molly and TJ in Sonic commercials, and there have been some of those this year. We’ve also had the added bonus of seeing Molly in a Cheerios commercial, Sayjal and Katie in a Sonic commercial, Thomas in a preview for his upcoming movie (Splinterheads, I think) and in a Netflix commercial…but best of all was Joey in the news on Headline News AND CNN. He plays Rod Blagojevic (I’m not spelling that right) in a play produced by Second City. Well, Rod recently hosted a radio show for a morning and had Joey on for an interview. Because of the news following Illinois’ ex-governor on that day, Joey was on major networks! Well done, all.

Lastly, the only decent thing to watch late at night seems to be Cartoon Network. That being said, the very late night stuff is gear specifically towards pot smokers in that none of it really makes sense. Ridiculous and dumb…yet better than anything on the other channels.

3/27/09: Day 153: Sea Day

2009-03-27T10:28:00.000-05:00

Well…I guess it has been a week. Not really much to write about here. I just thought to myself “Hey, it has been awhile since I have written anything.”

I downloaded some old PC games and a DOS emulator recently and have been playing Bard’s Tale 1. I remember playing it when I was a kid. It has been a good time killer.

Other than that I have been playing around with my flash. I’m wayyyy more of a natural light photographer. If I can’t do natural light I prefer my strobes. I just never liked an on camera flash. Something about using it clicked in my brain recently and I’ve been playing around with angles and other variables. Once I apply these angles to something more than tests I’ll post a photo or two.

I’m watching CNN. It is all coverage of the flooding in Fargo mostly, but there was a little tid bit where some country blamed people with white skin and blue eyes for the economic downfall. So…sorry about that y’all. My bad.

3/20/09: Day 146: Sea Day

2009-03-20T15:26:00.000-05:00

We’re on our way back to New York. Can you believe we only have less than a month until we go back to Europe? Well, you should…because it is true.

Today I am inspired to write because of the crew channels. All of the crew cabins get an extra 3 channels that usually show movies and TV series repeated for the whole day. Recently the person in charge of scheduling these changed and we lost some variety. For instance, it used to be that one of the movie channels might have an action movie and the other would have comedy or drama. So, different genres going on. Keep that in mind.

First: Hell’s Kitchen. We watched the finale of season 1 of Hell’s Kitchen today. The person I thought would win was the winner. This is a great show and apparently on season 5 in the real world. It is mostly good because of chef Gordon Ramsey who puts up with nothing in his kitchen and always bitches out everyone during service. It is unedited on the DVD version, but we’re curious how it was aired on any TV station…there would have been a lot of beeps.

Now…the movie debacles. Yesterday started the new regime of “same-genre-day” or so it seems. Yesterday our two movie choices were Beverly Hills Chihuahua (which is an awful piece of crap movie…if you like this movie you also probably like wearing dog crap as jewelry and makeup) and Madagascar 2: Back 2 Africa (an animated movie with a slew of celebrity voices). Both very similar in that they both have talking animals and are gear towards kids. I actually liked Madagascar 2…it had some funny bits all throughout the movie.

Today? Well our two movie choices today are a Baliwood film about two guys in Miami who pretend they are gay to get a good apartment in a “women only” building (modern Bosom Buddies), and Mama Mia. The Baliwood movie is slightly less musical, but equally in the realm of “chick movie.”

Hopefully we’ll get some diversity back.

It is pretty rocky today. Jen and Larrance sometimes said they were required to close their porthole. If you’re reading: how did you know when it was rough enough to close it?

3/18/09: Day 144: Nassau

2009-03-18T15:21:00.000-05:00

One gross!

Really, I have no idea what new has been going on. I bought a nice little PC in Florida on Monday. It seems like we’re always looking for internet. My laptop is old (going on 5 years!) and heavy, low on space, and a little slow. Carrying it around usually means that I am in port strictly for internet. I say that because I am very unlikely to walk around town with the weight on my back.

Well, my new computer is about the sizes of a Harry Potter hardback, and I’m talking about book 1 or 2…not the thicker ones. Plus, it has 3G. I got it for $99 at Radioshack when I signed up for the AT&T 3G network. It will work great in New York, and FL, and where ever I am when we’re home. It will just be useless…as far as 3G is concerned…in Europe. BUT, it has wireless too. So…Win Win.

The only problem is that the 3G has a 5gig/month download limit and I already caught Deanna on it in Florida. RED HANDED!

Everything else is fine. I text dared some CSz folks the other day. I don’t know if I explained text daring before. We started this one day on a drive back from a remote. Unfortunately, it usually means that at least one person is clueless. Not that it is at that person’s expense…it just seems to them that everyone is behaving oddly/”like improvisers.”

I usually try to combine my dares so that the single dares are harder, For instance, one time Martin had a bag of M&Ms. I dared Tamara to steal the bag unnoticed. When she succeeded I dared Martin to constantly offer Josh M&Ms. Also I had dared Josh to only refer to Martin as “brutha.” Once I see those in effect I dare Tamara to sneak the M&Ms back unnoticed. So Martin is trying to find his M&Ms to offer them to Josh. Josh is saying stuff like “It is okay. I’m not hungry, brutha.” And Tamara is trying to distract Martin so she can put the M&Ms back.

In Florida I did the following (since I wasn’t sure who was around who), just to give you an idea of how my mind works:

Sam: Dare: Work “Order up! Ding ding!” in to 5 of your next 7 sentences
Tara: Dare: Yell “1, 2, 3, FART CONTEST!” and look like you’re trying really hard to win
Rich: Dare: Ask a stranger where the nearest 5 & Dime is. If they don’t know say “what’s the date…THE YEAR!?”
Martin: Dare: Turn around 180 degrees, point and exclaim “Pretty sneaky, Sis!” regardless of whether there is a person there or not.

Those are all pretty close to what I texted. Sam was the only one who dared back “Use something as a toothpick and comment to a stranger about how well it works.”

It’s more fun if you’re actually there to watch the dares.

3/12/09: Day 138: Freeport

2009-03-12T10:54:00.000-05:00

Today we went to a crew safety drill that we probably didn’t need to go to. They have them every cruise, but we get excused from a majority. We go once a month. This time there was a confusing sign in the hall that said all supernumeraries were supposed to meet in the Spinnaker lounge at 9:50…but we didn’t get our usual sheet of paper delivered to our cabin with our names on the list. Regardless, we were there.

Like two weeks ago, they wanted us to be passengers…but this time they wanted us to act more like passengers. Instead of going to the sections he gave us we were told that we were supposed to ask crew where “G” was and see if they could assist us. Then the safety director said “Is there anyone here who is unable to walk?” in a loaded way. I said “Do you need someone who can’t walk?” To which he replied, “I think YOU can not walk.”

So, I had to wait. The alarm sounded and no one left the lounge. The safety leader for that section came in and told us all that we needed to go to our sections. I said I needed a wheel chair, and so did another guy. After awhile two teams of four collected us in wheel chairs and took us to safety. It was kind of fun. A nice little way to mix things up.

Later in the day we met for an improv rehearsal. It is way different preparing for improv now. Everyone is on way different pages since we don’t all have the common thread of ImprovAcadia. This week Ric is making the lineups and has picked some games that I love and some I’ve never heard of. Both are nice.

Seems like time is flying now. Before I know it April 18th will be here and we’ll be on our way back to Europe!

3/11/09: Day 137: Nassau

2009-03-11T10:55:00.000-05:00

College crowd for sure on this cruise. Our first show on Port Canaveral day was lightly attended, but the second was packed. This crowd is all about partying, but they’re not annoying partiers so much.

Tonight we did our improv show and had a good turn out, which is nice because we’re in port until 11:30 and there is a Senior Frogs outside that had a lot of our passengers in it. Deanna, Maria, and I decided to get food in Magenta afterwards. As we were waiting for our table two ladies said we did a good job and asked for a photo. One of the ladies said “I guess we’re your junkies now.” She later cleared up that she meant “groupies” but it was nice being a drug for a few minutes.

Right about that same time I noticed some college girls at a table looking at us…and then a guy they were with asked if they could eat with us and said he was a theater major. So, we all ate together. A nice little dinner with the passengers.

Now I’m stuffed.

3/8/09: Day 134: Cruise Guide

2009-03-08T14:41:00.001-05:00

First of all…I cant believe it is day 134. I remember reading other cruisers blogs to try to get an idea of what things were like. Some of those blogs were well into the hundreds of days as well.

I don’t know if anyone else reads this thing, but on the off-hand chance that there is someone out there who just got hired for these ships and they found my blog, here is a list of important things to bring.

-A Power Strip with surge protection. You have a limited number of outlets, and on some ships the power runs a little hot…more on that under Clock.

-An Atomic LED Clock. None of the rooms have a clock. I recommend an atomic alarm clock, BUT make sure it can adjust to the time zone you’re cruising in. For instance, during day light savings we can get ours to go one hour further than EST…which is great for the Caribbean run. Other than that we’re limited to the four US time zones. Our clock is useless in Europe. HOWEVER, if you don’t have an atomic clock or a battery powered clock the chances are high (at least on our ship) that your clock will run fast because of the “hot power” on the ship. Ric mentioned his clock being of within a day or two I think.

-Magnets. Over the course of your stay you might have important running orders, postcards from friends, pictures of family, etc. All of the walls in your room are magnetic. We’ve found that Office Depot/Staples sells little powerful magnets that look like push pins. These are great for holding something to the wall AND hanging light things like necklaces on. Just to give you an idea of what is hanging in our room via magnets: cast poster, cruise itinerary calendar, sleep mask, running order, Obama poster, all of Deanna’s necklaces, Valentine’s Day card, cast photo…I even have an open bag of potato chips that I’ve folded closed and held to the wall with a strong magnet.

-Storage helpers. I found a cheap, magnetic high school locker accessory on sale at Staples that has been perfect. It sticks to the metal walls. It has a dry erase front with a pen clipped to the outside. The front opens up to reveal a small, mirrored storage (where we keep our name tags. And there are three hooks on the bottom for hanging things…like scissors. We also bought a “shoe organizer”…the kind that hangs on a door. We have all kinds of random stuff in the pockets…none of which are shoes.

-Hamper. Something to put your clothes in. We have a spring loaded collapsible hamper, but a bag will do as well.

Those are the major ones. Another tip is that if you over pack there is the option of buying a cheap suitcase and filling it with the stuff you don’t need. FedEx can ship a suitcase (without being boxed up) for about $25 or so.

3/8/09: Day 134: Sea Day

2009-03-08T14:40:00.001-05:00

Our first “normal” week on this contract…no daily rehearsals. Normally I do laundry every first sea day, but I didn’t get the chance last week. I managed to do a couple of random loads, but if I miss that first sea day I run into the rest of the crew trying to do theirs. So, today I have a LOT of laundry in the washer. This also gives me 48 minutes to write and hopefully work on my Spanish.

This morning I woke up just a little before 11:00am like usual and told Deanna I was going up to get breakfast. Usually if I get to the main buffet right before 11:00 I can still get an omelet and some oatmeal…and if I miss that I can definitely go to the outdoor café as they serve breakfast later. When I got to the buffet right at 11:00 the ropes were up…what? They weren’t letting people in? But one of the officers moved the ropes and let people in. I figured someone had made a mistake. But…no breakfast stuff was there. To the great outdoors!

I got there and they still had breakfast but looked like they were close to shutting down too. I naturally assumed that they had started some policy of ending breakfast sooner. While in line for omelets there were two fratish dudes in front of me talking to each other. Both trying to seem cool to each other without going overboard. The first guy mid-conversation said to his omelet chef “Can you put some cheese on that bad boy?” A very subtle interjection of cool.

After all of this I got back to the room and told the story of the early closing breakfast. All she said was “do you know why they closed early?” That snapped an important piece of my memory into place. We were supposed to set our clocks ahead last night. Whoops!

Breakfast is normal, everyone. Nothing to worry about.

3/7/09: Day 133: New York

2009-03-07T14:37:00.000-06:00

Today we had a full crew emigration. For passengers you go through emigration when you get back from a cruise, but for crew we’re always on the ship so it happens the week after you get on, the day you get off, or close to when you are about to cross to another country as your port. We’re about a month away from going back to Barcelona, so it was everybody. This is good and bad. It meant that all the new sign-ons and the people leaving that day had to be there at 8:30. Originally all entertainers were supposed to be there at 10:30, but they switched it to all US Citizens there at 8:45. There is less hassle with US citizens in a US port.

The major downfall of this is that no one can leave the ship until everyone has gone through…and there are always people who forget or don’t even know it is happening. So, instead of getting off around 10-10:30 we couldn’t get off the ship until about 12:30. We did get to hear announcement of “will [one crew member’s name] please report to emigration immediately”…so everyone waiting to get off knew exactly who was the cause of it.

So, it was a short day in New York, but it was 70 degrees! Amazing, considering it was 21 with 10 inches of snow on last Sunday or Monday.

3/6/09: Day 132: Sea Day

2009-03-06T10:33:00.000-06:00

Here’s how long it’s been since I’ve written anything…it took me about 4 tries to type “Sea Day” in the title (and two tries to type it right there).

Our shows went over well. We didn’t get a chance to rehearse it fully with costumes and lights until the day of the shows, so considering that we did awesome. This show seems more free flowing without the dream songs. The dream songs were impressive, but also very technical in many aspects that aren’t in our current show. I can’t wait to do our show again.

We also did our first improv set. This time around is different than usual because we don’t have the luxury of all having worked together in Maine in a short form environment. Three of us have worked together before and the other two have focused more on longform in their careers so there are the minor kinks of remembering a game they’ve played before. I am in charge of the improv running orders this week and have been going over them in rehearsals. We’ve had rehearsals of one sort or another every day…right in the middle of gym time. So, I have probably lost 12 pounds knowing my metabolism.

Deanna and I have been living in a crew cabin on deck 4. I’m adjusting, but this place has many flaws. I’m sure our last room had many flaws that we were just used to as well. Our current room doesn’t have heat, just AC. I don’t think any of them have heat. We can go from room temperature to colder-than-room-temperature, but not warmer. This is only problematic on New York day when the door to the outside world (on our deck) is open all day for loading and unloading luggage. This was never mentioned to us by Jen and Larrance…probably because they are made of ice and get heat strokes when the temp reaches 68 (burn!).

Another thing that was never mentioned…because they probably always had the AC on…is that if you shut the AC off it doesn’t make it all the way off. The cold stops, but there is a very high pitched just loud enough to be annoying whistle. I can hear it very well. Deanna can only hear it in certain places in the room. It doesn’t bother me during the day, but I can’t sleep with it. So I turn the AC off during the day and turn the AC up to “noise stops” level for bed. I’m sure this will be less of a problem once we’re in warmer weather.

All we have been able to do this week is get off in Nassau. The producer and director wanted to see Atlantis and we all headed over there. This was the night after our day of rehearsals and shows. I felt kind of bad because I was beat…as was everybody…and it kind of seemed like they were looking for us to show them around the city. If you’ve read my other Nassau blogs you know I have been to Atlantis and the cyber café. Deanna and I kind of sent them on their way to explore.

Today we will have a work shop and our final improv show. Next week will be back to more normal stuff.

3/2/09: Day 128: Port Canaveral

2009-03-02T20:12:00.000-06:00

All is well. We have our new cast and have been rehearsing heavily on the last two days. Normally the whole cast gets 3 days together in Chicago, so when a portion of the cast is already on the ship it means more work ON the ship.

It is a great group dynamic so far. It has been fun to watch scenes that I was in in the last show and see different takes and acting choices.

Tomorrow is our show night. We’ll be rehearsing a lot tomorrow. After that, improv rehearsals. We’ve always sort of had the luxury of “all working together before” when it was Deanna, Jen, Larrance and I. With 2/3 of the cast on the same page…usually more…it is easier to prepare for the improv set. Now that a lot of us have never worked together we’ll have to work a little more. Exciting!

2/28/09: Day 126: New York

2009-02-28T11:21:00.001-06:00

Well…it’s all over. For Jen, Larrance, Brett, and Ryan at least. Yesterday was our last improv show. Ray the cruise director has always told us for the adult show that he didn’t care what we said as long as we didn’t say “mother f**ker or cock sucker” but last night he intro’d us with a farewell to the four who were leaving and said “Remember what I always tell you not to say? They are fair game tonight. The Second City!”

We didn’t quite go there, but it was probably our dirtiest show.

This time is different than our last contract. I remember some very sad goodbyes at the end of our last contract. Granted, we aren’t the ones leaving, but I think isn’t as sad to see the cast go because chances are we’ll see Ryan and Brett in Chicago, and fate demands that we see Jen and Larrance once a year.

This morning Deanna and I moved down into a crew cabin…the one Jen and Larrance were living in. It is organized so there is more open space. This means a smaller shower and bed, but oddly enough more closet space. It will take me awhile to adjust. There is much unpacking and cleaning to be done.

We already got a call from Ric, one of our new cast mates. Right as we left the ship they were getting very close to getting on.

So, today starts our brand new FOUR MORE MONTHS!

2/25/09: Day 123: Nassau

2009-02-25T11:20:00.000-06:00

Time is ticking by. We had our last main stage shows a couple nights ago. Typically the last shows are where people try and mess with each other a little bit. There wasn’t a whole lot of it, and it is always a fine line between “hilarious bit” and “I just ruined the show.” I decided to try something subtle. Jen and I do a scene called Bagpipe where we’re both dressed in kilts and she ends up being in my arms as a bagpipe playing Amazing Grace. She jumps into my arms, sticks her thumb in my mouth, I start marching and blowing and she starts making “hi-ya” sounds to the tune. For the last show I decided to simply lick her thumb after the high note. She broke. It was fun and simple.

Today we met with one of the business partners who happens to live on the island and went to lunch and then his house for dessert. He has a very nice house and a sweet fishing boat. I took some pics.

2/22/09: Day 120: Sea Day

2009-02-22T11:19:00.000-06:00

Well, we’re here. Our last week of this contract. It feels a little strange because Deanna and I have separate agendas now. Everyone else in the cast will be experiencing the “this is our last time in this port” feeling, getting signed off on turning in name tags and such, and packing up for home. Just today I played Mario Kart on Brett’s Wii and he let me know it was the last game because he is shipping the monitor back home tomorrow.

Deanna and I aren’t totally at a loss…we get to pack all of our stuff up and take it down to the crew cabin!

Today our ship just stopped. Not power failure, but Coast Guard ordained. Apparently a fishing ship tipped or sunk. There were 4 men on board and they found 3. So we were on temporary search and rescue help. Once another ship came into the area we were allowed to continue along our way.

Scripts!

2/19/09: Day 117: Freeport

2009-02-19T10:58:00.002-06:00

We got our scripts! The past two days have felt like 5 or 6. Today I felt like I HAD to blog because I hadn't in sooooo long. Then I checked and saw it was only two days...two.

We had great shows on our mainstage and a great improv show last night. We ended our improv set with a Day In The Life Musical. We asked for a volunteer to tell us about their day and a woman named Clair volunteered. The quick summary of her day was that her son had diarrhea. She then told us the rest of her day and we acted it out as a musical.

My shining moment? I played "Diarrhea." There was a slow song that started and my lyrics were mostly along the lines of "When you're sliding in to first and you feel a juicy burst...that's me." Resume worthy.

We also went to the aquarium at Atlantis and saw some great wildlife. Jellyfish, sawtooth sharks, hammerheads, etc.

Anyway, we have our new show to work on so I may be offline for a few days.